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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24162292">tighten the string on your bow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveninganna/pseuds/eveninganna'>eveninganna</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>it's greek to me [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ancient Greek Religion &amp; Lore, HOMER - Works, The Iliad - Homer, The Odyssey - Homer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, Getting to Know Each Other, I'm A Trash Can Not A Trash Can't, Loss of Virginity, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Wedding Night, Weddings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:55:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,581</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24162292</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveninganna/pseuds/eveninganna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“But don’t you want to marry me?” he asked, enough of a lilt in his voice that he could beg off as teasing need be. </p><p>Penelope was too sharp to be fooled by his tone. “I believe it’s my father you’ll be needing to speak with about that.”</p><p>  <b>Or: Penelope is used to being outshone by her cousin Helen, and even Clytemnestra. Odysseus is used to having things go his way, through luck or cunning. They never realized that meeting each other would undo all of that, and themselves.</b></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Achilles/Patroclus of Opus (Ancient Greek Religion &amp; Lore), Agamemnon/Clytemnestra (Ancient Greek Religion &amp; Lore), Clytemnestra &amp; Helen of Troy &amp; Penelope (Ancient Greek Religion &amp; Lore), Helen of Troy/Menelaus (Ancient Greek Religion &amp; Lore), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Odysseus/Penelope, Odysseus/Penelope (Ancient Greek Religion &amp; Lore)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>it's greek to me [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/57546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. draw the arrow back; steel yourself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So apparently how I respond to being in quarantine for 2 months is by writing a 20,000+ word ensemble cast myth fic about how Odysseus and Penelope got married when I haven't written fic in years? Good to know.</p><p>Anyway, this is MUCH longer and more serious than most myth fic I write, but it has, I think, funny and silly moments, and also some sex! By "some sex" I mean there are over 3,000 words of smut/sex. What can I say, it's what the muse wanted. I don't think there are any <b>trigger warnings</b> other than mild dirty talk (Odysseus is bossy) and a fairly benign mention of soreness after sex (all in the second part). I'm sorry, Odysseus and Penelope would just be Like That. I don't make the rules.</p><p>Endless thanks to @elizajumel and @skypirateb for their ongoing support and inspirational insight, and especially @skypirateb for working as beta (and writing the romance novel-esque summary blurb)!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"would you be wedded happily, wed your equal"</p><p>-<em>heroides</em>, ovid</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, the seed is planted</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>In truth, Odysseus and Penelope came to be married thanks to Helen. </p><p> </p><p>When it came time for Helen to be married, her father Tyndareus, King of Sparta, found his court beset by suitors from all reaches of the Mediterranean. </p><p> </p><p>Helen herself was outwardly rather calm and regal about the whole thing. She never allowed herself to be seen or spoken to without her sister Clytemnestra and cousin Penelope at her side, and usually an even larger gaggle of relatives and attendants besides. Of course, many of the men fawned over her even more in response to such behavior. All they could speak of was how prudent and modest Helen was, all while being, assuredly, the most beautiful woman alive. </p><p> </p><p>Although Tyndareus was really her stepfather (as Helen was on the long list of Zeus’ bastard offspring), he raised her as his own, and everyone knew he loved and cherished her dearly. It pleased him to see how happy she was with the court so lively. </p><p> </p><p>Nevertheless, Tyndareus would have been kidding himself if he weren’t to admit that the matter of Helen’s hand was proving to be quite a… handful. </p><p> </p><p>“You recall what that horrible boy Theseus did, when she was just a girl,” Tyndareus said to Odysseus, drawing a hand over his brow tiredly. “Only twelve years old, Helen was! Still preoccupied with games and friends. And then Theseus sails in under cover of darkness one night and steals her away! She was rescued quickly enough by her brothers, but what an ordeal.” </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus nodded politely, waiting for Tyndareus to continue. </p><p> </p><p>“Now it’s all just continuing, though these men aren’t technically thieves. But I’m sure many of them wouldn’t hesitate to steal her away if they thought they could get away with it.” Tyndareus sighed once more. “Do you remember? About Theseus? I don’t believe I actually allowed you to answer.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus waved a hand at the apology. “Vaguely. I was fairly young when it happened as well, and on Ithaca. But I heard tell—awful, certainly. Just about every kingdom would have brought up arms to rescue her, I’m sure.” </p><p> </p><p>Tyndareus raised an eyebrow at the suggestion. “Or to take her for themselves.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, ensuring loyalty somehow would be ideal,” Odysseus allowed.</p><p> </p><p>“Mm,” Tyndareus murmured, his mind on the matter of Helen’s ever-growing hoard of suitors, more impatient and aggressive by the day. And honestly, that’s exactly where Odysseus wanted Tyndareus’ mind to be.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t mean to insult you, my boy,” Tyndareus said suddenly. “I know you are technically here as one of the suitors. But what with everyone… Menelaus, Agamemnon, Diomedes, Ajax, that other Ajax, Patroclus and Achilles—although those last two seem more interested in each other than her, honestly. And they all bring the most lavish gifts, save yourself.” He quirked a smile. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus fixed his face in a look of mild guilt. “In truth, I’ve diverted my attention from Helen—no disrespect intended, of course.” Tyndareus nodded, and Odysseus went on. “You’ve received me here many times hospitably, and I’ve grown close with your family. Knowing your concerns, I do wish to help in any way I can.” The half-lie was so smooth he almost believed it himself. </p><p> </p><p>“I wish you could,” Tyndareus agreed, “but I fear there isn’t much to be done. The suitors grow more and more restless; I refuse all their gifts, not wanting to be in any debt, but I fear sending them away for preservation of their pride. I know what choice of husband I would like to make… But I think it very likely that fighting would break out the moment I make my decision.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus could have told Tyndareus this weeks ago. But he had been waiting for this moment, and he’d barely had to work at it before it presented itself. Sure, he’d left an offering in Athena’s temple this morning, but Odysseus figured he could never do <em> that </em> too often. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, they are under your hospitality. If you were to, say, request they come under a sort of pact of allegiance, I can’t imagine anyone’s refusal.”</p><p> </p><p>Tyndareus’ eyes lit up. “Do you think that could really work?”</p><p> </p><p>“Undoubtedly, no one would refuse such an agreement when in your home, under the bounds of <em> xenia</em>… And I could help you to persuade anyone who doesn’t seem eager.”</p><p> </p><p>“I would be in debt to you for the idea alone!” Tyndareus wasn’t a stupid man, and likely he understood this was a deal he was making now with Odysseus, something that would require an exchange. But, tactfully, he let Odysseus lead the way.</p><p> </p><p>“I am simply happy to help in any way I can. However, if you would be so gracious, there is something I would greatly appreciate your assistance with..."</p><p>                                                                                                    </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, the suitors vie for attention</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Standing against a column bathed in shade, Clytemnestra and Penelope murmured to each other as they observed the hoard of suitors that filled Tyndareus’ great courtyard that morning, just as they had every morning for weeks now.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s never smart to say, ‘all welcome, except Theseus,’” Clytemnestra was saying, doing a rather uncanny impersonation of her father’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope giggled. “They’re not all so bad. I know you’ve been finding enough amusement in some of them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Who, me? If I ever entertain any man’s attentions, it’s only to fend off Agamemnon. He can’t slobber over me all day, it’s unbecoming.” Clytemnestra was flippant but Penelope knew she liked Agamemnon’s attentions; he’d been at court with his brother Menelaus for years, and there’d always been a tension between the two of them, something beyond animosity.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope just gave a small smile and said, “At this point the whole thing does seem drawn out. Your father obviously wants to pick Menelaus. He’s been here forever and we all know Helen has a soft spot for him...” She trailed off with a shrug.  </p><p> </p><p>“Gods only know why she’s always had such a thing for Menelaus. You know, I once asked her and she said, ‘I don’t know, he just seems like he could really throw me around, you know what I mean?’ Such a slut.” Clytemnestra shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope laughed but couldn’t help but widen her eyes. She tried to imagine a man throwing her around in a way that could be construed as positive. It was definitely a compelling concept.</p><p> </p><p>“She just loves the attention. She’s a pig in shit.” Clytemnestra rolled her eyes. Penelope couldn’t disagree.  </p><p> </p><p>They fixed their gazes back on the men, many of whom were doing stretches and purposefully making eye contact with the ladies surrounding the courtyard, wiggling their eyebrows and flexing their muscles. It had been going on like this for weeks, and as ridiculous as it could be, it <em> was </em> entertaining. The show was mainly for Helen, of course, but it didn’t stop the other girls from enjoying the novelty and getting aggressively flirted with in turn.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope and Clytemnestra usually went outside to greet everyone in the morning before Helen did—she loved making people wait. So, the routine was pretty much set by that point, with the same group of usual suspects surrounding them and chatting as everyone waited for Helen to appear so that day’s contests and banquets could begin.</p><p> </p><p>Menelaus and Agamemnon were a constant presence. They’d known the girls for years, having lived at the court in exile; they were always near them, staking their claim. The Ajaxes, called Big Ajax and Little Ajax for convenience, were usually around, too—Big Ajax because he was impressive and basically everyone liked him, and Little Ajax because he didn’t seem to care how much people <em> didn’t </em> like him. And then of course there were Achilles and Patroclus, joined at the hip, and Odysseus and Diomedes, who often spoke together (usually about just how much they hated Little Ajax, loudly and within his range of hearing).</p><p> </p><p>There was a careful chord that needed to be struck by the men when talking to Penelope and Clytemnestra—something between being open with them, teasing and crude, yet making a good enough impression that the girls wouldn’t report back anything <em> too </em>negative to Helen or their fathers.</p><p> </p><p>But it had been a few weeks now and, well. Standards were getting lax. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m just saying that it can’t possibly take Helen this long to get ready in the morning,” Agamemnon said. “I’ve been here for years—I <em> know </em>it doesn’t take her this long.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re implying.” Clytemnestra sniffed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m <em> saying </em>that it’s convenient timing that this extended morning ritual began right when all the suitors showed up.” Agamemnon gestured to the group.</p><p> </p><p>“Convenient for <em>who</em>, exactly,” Achilles muttered, and Patroclus nudged him. </p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra plowed on, speaking over him: “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, I am both shocked and appalled that you would make any such suggestion about my dear sister.” Her expression was deadpan, and Penelope pressed her lips together to conceal a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure she has every reason to keep us waiting,” Menelaus cut in, ever respectful and starry-eyed where Helen was concerned. “Any minute spent in her presence is a gift.” You could practically hear the sound of the men repressing groans—and the actual sound of Little Ajax not bothering to conceal his groan at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for your understanding, Menelaus,” Penelope interjected pointedly, shooting him a genuine smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you should take notes,” Clytemnestra said to Agamemnon, and then pointed at Little Ajax. “You too. Not just that groan crap, either—I heard you outside the kitchens the other day, trying to convince one of the servants to spy on us for you.” </p><p> </p><p>“Smooth,” Diomedes quipped as the other men jeered, Ajax protesting loudly. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Listen</em>.” Achilles’ voice cut through the banter. “We need to remember what the real point here is.” He paused for effect. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes?” Big Ajax prompted.</p><p> </p><p>“The <em> real </em> point is that Agamemnon has no right to judge anyone else’s grooming routine—you literally spend hours just greasing yourself up in oil every morning. You simply cannot talk shit about something like this.” Odysseus barely contained a snort, and the other men laughed outright along with Clytemnestra. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope still managed to keep a straight face, but her eyes caught Odysseus’. They exchanged a look. She smiled then, shaking her head.</p><p> </p><p>As Agamemnon shot back, everyone started speaking over each other, arguing and bantering and throwing out barbs. Odysseus took the opportunity to sidle up next to Penelope. She looked up at him, mildly surprised, but gave him another smile in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Will Helen be upset that her secret is out?” he asked, voice pitched low enough that no one would overhear if they bothered to pay attention. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I wouldn’t think so. I don’t think that’s really the <em> point </em>, you know?” </p><p> </p><p>“Mm, yes, psychological warfare.”</p><p> </p><p>“You said it, not me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll make sure not to let her know that you gave up her tactics so easily,” he teased. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope bit her lip. “Does it ruin the illusion? I wouldn’t want to tarnish your image of her. You <em> are </em>trying to marry her, after all.”           </p><p>                                                                                         </p><p>“Oh, I never had any illusions about Helen to be tarnished,” Odysseus said in a reassuring tone.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure that’s what every woman wants to hear from a potential husband.” She nodded sagely.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus smiled but said, “Why not? Don’t you think it’s better to see things as they are?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure that’s what Helen would say…” Penelope hesitated. She didn’t want to say anything bad about Helen. She loved Helen. But, well, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t think Helen sort of wanted men to put her up on a pedestal.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, what would you say?”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope was caught off guard by this. “I don't think I know what you mean,” she lied. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus’ eyes twinkled, like he knew she was being coy. “How would you want a potential husband to see you?”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope swallowed. She wasn't totally sure what he was playing at—flirting was one thing, but this felt oddly serious. Surely she was imagining it. Either way, she decided it was best to play it off with a mixture of avoidance, truth, and humor. “It doesn't matter what I think, really. My father’s said I'm never to marry, as you might've heard—so I'll never have the pleasure of this husband market Helen’s accumulated.” She tried to give a lighthearted smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I have heard about that, actually.” Odysseus paused, fixing Penelope with an intense, level gaze. She felt suddenly hot under his scrutiny. “What a pity,” he finally said, voice low. </p><p> </p><p>Before Penelope could think of how to respond, before she could even work through her mild shock, Clytemnestra was pulling her back into conversation, asking her opinion about whatever she was arguing with Agamemnon about then—and the moment was gone.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, we go back a step or two</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>The fact that Odysseus hadn’t brought any gifts to Sparta was no oversight. He wasn't interested in wasting his time trying to beat every other Achaean prince and king to the hand of the most beautiful woman to have ever lived (allegedly). <em> He </em> had other plans in mind. </p><p> </p><p>The truth? Odysseus had spent some time at Tyndareus’ court before. Thanks to this, he was apparently one of the only suitors aware of the fact that there were, in fact, women other than Helen in existence. Namely, her highborn and perfectly attractive relations. Clytemnestra, for one, seemed like a handful in a way that Odysseus was not particularly inclined to deal with for his entire life, as fun as she could be to spar with for a time. The other sisters, whose names he couldn’t even recall, were too young, and they hadn’t left much of an impression anyway. </p><p> </p><p>But then there was the cousin, the king’s niece: Penelope. She was pretty and would probably be even more widely renowned if Helen’s golden beauty didn’t outshine them all. And while Helen was stunning—almost unbelievably so with her dark blonde mane and deep blue eyes and legs that went on for days—Odysseus found himself taken with Penelope. He liked her sleek brown hair that reached down to her waist, her strong jaw and straight nose, her thoughtful black eyes, her long creamy neck, and lower still the shape of her breasts under her fine peplos. </p><p> </p><p>Seeing her in the court, he’d often had thoughts of putting his mouth on that neck, on those breasts. But now that the fantasy had a tangible potential, the dull ache he usually got from such thoughts had intensified, and he knew very well that he would like to make Penelope his wife. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus’ choices were usually underpinned by the pragmatic, though. The fact of the matter was, he knew he wouldn’t be able to win Helen. Or, the effort that would have to go into doing so would require way more scheming than he felt inclined to commit himself to.</p><p> </p><p>But the scheming required to win Penelope was ideal—doable, but difficult enough to be fun. You see, it seemed most of the women in her family had some obstacle to their marriageability. In Penelope’s case, it was that her father, Icarius, was apparently quite fond of her and never wished for her to marry and leave home.</p><p> </p><p>Now this was a challenge Odysseus could both enjoy and easily overcome. His father, Laertes, had been on his ass about marriage for a while now anyway, and with everyone flocking to Helen, Odysseus had realized the opportunity. Tyndareus would need a solution to his predicament and he wouldn't be able to see through to it on his own; Odysseus would be just the man to provide that solution; and Tyndareus would be all too happy to pay him back with a small favor of his own. </p><p> </p><p>Surely, Icarius wouldn't protest too much if Tyndareus insisted he had to consider a suitor for Penelope—and honestly, he ought to be pleased that a clever, handsome young king such as Odysseus was interested in taking Penelope for his wife while everyone else was busy with the Helen circle jerk. </p><p> </p><p>So Odysseus was feeling rather pleased with himself, as per usual. What could go wrong? </p><p>                                                                                                    </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, some revelations are made</em> </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Odysseus was on his way to that night’s feast, when Agamemnon suddenly fell into step next to him.</p><p> </p><p>“What have I done to deserve the honor,” Odysseus greeted dryly.</p><p> </p><p>“I know what you’re doing, you know,” Agamemnon said in response. “I’m doing the same thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm? Not antagonizing people? Generally making a good impression? Could have fooled me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Please, you and your scheming. Good impression my ass.” Agamemnon scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus brought a hand to his heart in faux innocence. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. Anyway, my good impression with Tyndareus is well-established. I’m a friend of the family.” He grinned, knowing this would especially piss Agamemnon off as he’d lived at the court for most of his life. </p><p> </p><p>Agamemnon narrowed his eyes. “This whole not bringing gifts thing, talking to Tyndareus whenever you can… At first I thought maybe you were taking some kind of weird angle at trying to get Helen, but now I see you’re not after Helen at all.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus paused. Agamemnon having any kind of insight was profoundly unsettling, especially if Odysseus hadn’t seen that insight coming—the man had the subtlety and critical thinking skills of a wooden block, along with the actual physical bearing of a wooden block.</p><p> </p><p>When Odysseus didn’t respond as quickly as Agamemnon evidently desired, the latter man said, “Like I said, I’m doing the same thing.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus gave him a look. “I promise that you and I have never done the same thing. At least not on, like, an intellectual level.”</p><p> </p><p>“You think you’re so smart that no one sees through you, but I’ve been thinking about it—”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t strain yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>“—and I think you’re using this whole situation to get one of the other girls while everyone’s distracted by Helen.”</p><p> </p><p>“And?” There was really no point in expending unnecessary energy on verbally sparring with Agamemnon.</p><p> </p><p>“At first I was pissed because I thought it was Clytemnestra you were thinking of, next best thing and all that—I’m locking that down for myself, so it would have been a problem.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus resisted the urge to react. He knew that Agamemnon was not earnestly trying to get Helen for himself, and that his role was largely to support Menelaus’ cause. But he hadn’t been aware that Agamemnon’s intentions with Clytemnestra were so serious. It made sense, but maybe he’d underestimated Agamemnon somewhat if it hadn’t been as obvious as everything else Agamemnon did.</p><p> </p><p>“But then I realized, these past couple of weeks, and especially earlier—you're always talking to Penelope. She’s the only other one worth any time. It’s her, isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus was not going to gratify that with a straight answer. “So you’ve been paying extra attention lately.” He clapped Agamemnon on the shoulder. “Good for you. Well, you should be happy to know I’m no competition for you or your brother, then.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were never any competition.” Agamemnon laughed. “We all know that Menelaus will be Helen’s husband. This whole thing is a massive waste of time.”</p><p> </p><p>“I certainly do know that.” Odysseus was going to have a lot of fun watching Agamemnon as Tyndareus made his announcement tonight. Sure, Agamemnon was getting what he wanted, but it was always nice to have confirmation that he <em> was </em>, ultimately and always, one step behind.</p><p> </p><p>“And do you know that Icarius has said nobody will marry Penelope?” Agamemnon was giving him a look that could almost be described as pity if it weren’t so arrogant.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve heard something about that.” He held up his hands. “Guess I’m doomed to be lovelorn.”</p><p> </p><p>They had reached the great hall now, and Odysseus looked over his shoulder at Agamemnon as he put his hand against the center of the large wooden doors. “You’re really on my ass. You want to sit next to me tonight? We could feed each other with our hands.” Agamemnon made a delightfully angry face at that and pushed past him into the hall. Odysseus grinned and went to take his own seat.</p><p> </p><p>On his way to the table for honored guests that the suitors filled every night, he scanned the women’s table for Penelope. His eyes landed on her where she was seated beside Clytemnestra and Helen, as always. Their eyes met quickly enough that he wondered if she’d been seeking him out too. He turned his grin on her and she smiled back politely. </p><p> </p><p>The feasting always happened before any announcements from Tyndareus or anything like that, as it was the guests’ rite. Odysseus fell into conversation with Patroclus and Achilles, who were still talking about earlier that day. Achilles was quite a bit younger than most of the men, and as such had more of a tendency to say exactly what he was thinking, leading to his completely unveiled criticisms of people like Agamemnon—although Odysseus was starting to suspect that was just his personality, and wouldn’t be outgrown anytime soon. Patroclus tempered him somewhat, but there was really no controlling him, at least not totally.</p><p> </p><p>As entertaining as it was, antagonizing someone like Agamemnon <em> could </em>be done in a more discreet way. Odysseus suggested as much to Achilles.  </p><p> </p><p>“But you’re always shitting on Little Ajax,” Achilles pointed out in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh.” Odysseus rolled his eyes, propping an elbow on the table. “I mean, fuck that guy.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Exactly</em>.” Achilles nodded as though he’d made a great point, taking a deep gulp of his wine.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but Odysseus tends to do that in a less… aggressive way,” Patroclus said with a smile. “Which I think is his point.” </p><p> </p><p>“You want me to… covertly shit on people?” </p><p> </p><p>“Something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Or at least wait for them to come to you,” Odysseus added. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see what I can do, but no promises.” Achilles sounded resolutely unconvinced. </p><p> </p><p>Most everyone had finished eating their main courses, and some music and singing had begun. Odysseus glanced up at the head table, where Tyndareus sat between Queen Leda and Icarius. It was almost time for Tyndareus to make his announcement. Odysseus eyed him, stroking his beard and half-listening to Achilles and Patroclus as they carried on talking. </p><p> </p><p>He saw that Tyndareus and Icarius had their heads lowered together, whispering urgently. Icarius looked like he was becoming more and more irritable as Tyndareus continued speaking. Icarius began shaking his head, and when Tyndareus placed a hand on his shoulder, that was evidently the final straw. </p><p> </p><p>“No, <em>no—</em>” Icarius burst out, not so loud that everyone heard, but loud enough for a few people to start turning their heads. “You—I told you before to drop this, this does not need to be part of the plan—”</p><p> </p><p>“Icarius—” </p><p> </p><p>“No, don’t you start—she is <em> my </em>daughter, you have no right—”</p><p> </p><p><em> Uh-oh. </em> </p><p> </p><p>The music and conversation in the hall began to die down as more and more people turned towards the raised voices of the king and his brother.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not being reasonable, you have to at least consider—”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have to consider anything,” Icarius interrupted, pushing his brother’s hand off his shoulder and standing up out of his seat. His chair moved back with a loud screech. Odysseus glanced at Penelope and saw she was looking at her father, alarmed. </p><p> </p><p>Tyndareus was taking pains to modulate his voice, but it wasn’t much use. All eyes were on them. “We talked about this before, I told you the plan—” </p><p> </p><p>“Just because you’re trying to auction off your daughter does not mean I have to do the same, and it certainly doesn’t mean that I need to do so in order to help you solve the mess you’ve gotten yourself into—”</p><p> </p><p>Now Tyndareus was standing too. “Icarius, I’m warning you now—”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m warning you! Make your little oath, but I’ll have nothing to do with it, you cannot compel me to marry Penelope to that—that uppity—”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus bristled. Well. This had <em> not </em> been handled with as much tact as he had hoped.</p><p> </p><p>“What oath?” Menelaus was saying, looking around with a hopelessly confused expression. Next to him, Agamemnon looked agitated. Many of the other suitors were murmuring amongst themselves as well, getting more and more restless.</p><p> </p><p>Members of the royal family seemed just as confused. Castor and Polydeuces, Helen and Clytemnestra’s brothers, were looking between their different relatives, perplexed. “Who’s marrying Penelope?” they asked in unison.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Nobody</em>!” Icarius shouted in response. </p><p> </p><p>“Icarius!” Tyndareus shouted back.</p><p> </p><p>“What oath?” various suitors were parroting.</p><p> </p><p>“The oath my brother wants to bind you all to so that he can marry off his daughter and force me to marry off mine in the process!” Icarius seethed.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Icarius’ bitter pronouncement only elicited more questions, the suitors speaking over each other, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. As they grew more unruly, Tyndareus brought up a hand, raising his voice over the crowd. Icarius glared at him, arms crossed. </p><p> </p><p>“I had <em> hoped </em>to announce this in a more, ah, tranquil setting, but yes, I would like to propose an oath for the suitors. An oath of allegiance, to support and defend the claim of whichever man wins Helen’s hand.”</p><p> </p><p>A murmur went through the crowd. </p><p> </p><p>“This would be an ongoing oath,” Tyndareus continued, “to protect my daughter and the rights of… whoever is chosen as her husband. Should there ever be any trouble, of any kind, at any point, everyone would be expected to take up arms in defense of their union.”</p><p><br/>The murmur intensified. </p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Menelaus piped up. He had a hopeful, happy look, not dissimilar to a puppy. But then his brow furrowed. “Wait, but who’s marrying Penelope?”</p><p> </p><p>“No one!” Icarius yelled again.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought she couldn’t get married,” Big Ajax said. </p><p> </p><p>“She can’t!” Icarius agreed. </p><p> </p><p>“Odysseus has expressed his intent to marry Penelope,” Tyndareus said in a rush, exasperated. “A cause which I support.”</p><p> </p><p>Everyone in the room turned towards Odysseus.</p><p> </p><p>This was not quite how Odysseus had envisioned this going. But he might as well seize the moment.</p><p> </p><p>He stood up, clearing his throat. “Ah, yes.” A beat. “It is my wish to take Penelope as my wife.” He gestured vaguely.</p><p> </p><p>“Not your best speech,” he heard Diomedes mumble. Odysseus ground his teeth.</p><p> </p><p>Icarius turned on Odysseus, pointing a finger. “I swear to the gods, you little shit—”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus was thinking that he was going to have to physically fight his future father-in-law in the middle of the banquet hall when, suddenly, Agamemnon was standing up too, so fast that his chair clattered backwards onto the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I </em>would also like to announce that it is my intention to take Clytemnestra as my wife,” he announced, hands braced on the table in front of him. </p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” Tyndareus looked at a loss. Even Icarius seemed thrown off by this addition to the commotion. </p><p> </p><p>“This is fucking fantastic,” Achilles said on an exhale. Patroclus evidently agreed, munching on figs, enraptured by the scene. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait,” Little Ajax started, “we're allowed to pick one of the other ones if we can't get Helen?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, my gods,” Diomedes said, shaking his head in disbelief. “Would you shut up?”</p><p> </p><p>“You shut up!” There was more shouting as a small scuffle started to break out.</p><p> </p><p>“And you thought coming here was going to be boring,” Patroclus said to Achilles as the room erupted into an uproar.</p><p> </p><p>“I should never doubt you.” Achilles grinned.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Despite appearances, things were no more serene on the other side of the room.  </p><p> </p><p>The girls were watching this scene with a mixture of amusement, confusion, and horror. All of the younger sisters and cousins were giggling and whispering amongst themselves, as Penelope, Clytemnestra, and Helen watched the pandemonium, slack jawed. </p><p> </p><p>“What is <em> happening</em>,” Clytemnestra bit out under her breath.</p><p> </p><p>At the same time, Helen reached behind Clytemnestra to grab Penelope’s arm and shake it giddily. Making eye contact with her over Clytemnestra’s head, she mouthed, <em> Did you know about this </em>?</p><p> </p><p><em> No! </em>Penelope mouthed back as exaggeratedly as possible.</p><p> </p><p>Helen wouldn’t stop shaking her arm until Clytemnestra reached behind her to swat at Helen. The room was still in enough of an uproar that no one was paying too much attention to the girls, which was funny considering this was all, like, about them. <em> Men </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Did Agamemnon just do that because Odysseus did that? He’s not <em> that </em>much of an idiot, right?” Clytemnestra was whispering, pulling the girls closer to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Debating how stupid Agamemnon is probably isn’t, like, productive,” Helen said.</p><p> </p><p>“Says the girl who’s practically betrothed to Menelaus!” </p><p> </p><p>“He’s dreamy.” Helen waved a hand. “Anyway, it’s not like what Agamemnon just did is really the surprise here, Nes. Calm down.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t tell me to calm down, you live for this shit,” Clytemnestra shot back.</p><p> </p><p>“And I don’t mind sharing the spotlight!” Helen said loftily, putting a hand to her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“You are truly the most generous bitch I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Helen rolled her eyes at her sister and turned back to Penelope. “Pennyyy,” she said in a singsong voice. “Odysseus wants to marry yooou.”</p><p> </p><p>“This is a nightmare,” Penelope muttered. “My father is going to murder him.”</p><p> </p><p>“That is so, <em> so </em> hot,” Helen gushed. </p><p> </p><p>“You could do way worse,” Clytemnestra mused.</p><p> </p><p>Helen nodded in agreement. “Exactly. You could be marrying Agamemnon—” The words were barely out of her mouth before Clytemnestra punched her in the shoulder. Helen snickered.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to be marrying anyone because my father is going to kill him and then me and then himself—”</p><p> </p><p>At that moment, Icarius’ voice rose over the raucous and the three girls quickly arranged themselves in demure, innocent postures. “I will not COUNTENANCE—” he was all but shouting “—this—this <em> ambush</em>—” He sputtered a few more times. Odysseus was looking at him with a level stare, arms crossed. Tyndareus had a hand on his brow, clearly overwhelmed. Queen Leda was at his side, patting his arm reassuringly. Menelaus looked mildly baffled but fairly placid, and Agamemnon looked like he still wanted to find a way to get the attention fixed on himself. The rest of the men were a mix of amused, confused, and frustrated expressions. </p><p> </p><p>But Penelope could only look at Odysseus. <em> What is he doing? </em> She was at a total loss. Her stomach was doing somersaults and her heart was beating fast, and gods, Clytemnestra had really said it— <em> what </em>was happening.</p><p> </p><p>Tyndareus gathered himself, clearing his throat authoritatively. “The ladies should leave. Clearly, we need to discuss… all of this now, in an organized fashion.” Turning in the direction of Helen, Clytemnestra, and Penelope, he gave them a half-bemused, half-apologetic look and said, “I'm sorry, my doves, but we'll have to excuse your lovely presences for now.” He nodded to Queen Leda. She gathered the girls and led them out of the hall, along with the other assorted women. </p><p> </p><p>Once they were out in the courtyard, the roar of voices picked back up loud enough for them to hear even through the heavy doors. </p><p> </p><p>“This is the best summer ever,” Helen breathed.</p><p>                                                                                                    </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, we go back another step or two </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>The thing was, Penelope had always had a crush on Odysseus.</p><p> </p><p>She'd never <em>told </em>anyone, not even Clytemnestra or Helen, and she didn't think there was any possible way he could know. Penelope was good at not getting flustered with people, and she could always hide behind her renowned modesty if her heart was fluttering or whatever. He'd come to court a few times when she was younger, most recently when she was sixteen or so. They'd interacted plenty of times, but she didn't think he'd ever noticed her in particular, certainly not like <em>that</em>. Why would he, with Helen around? </p><p> </p><p>Her crush had largely been limited to observation. He was clearly smart and clever and cunning, and all those things people said, but he was also funny and had a good face and he seemed kind underneath it all. She didn't think she was imagining that; Penelope was a good judge of character.</p><p> </p><p>But in truth, the crush had really been born one day when Penelope was thirteen. Odysseus had been training in the yard with some other men during one of his visits. He'd been almost totally naked, which she was used to seeing as it was customary; at that age, she hadn’t yet really understood what Helen and Clytemnestra were on about when they ogled men in the training yard, making lewd jokes and innuendos. But that day, something clicked. Penelope had seen Odysseus’ tanned skin, his bare chest, his toned, muscled, hairy, sweaty body, and she'd thought, <em> yeah, okay</em>… <em> I must be into him if I like that</em>. And then she'd run away, feeling dirty. </p><p> </p><p>The point was that she wasn't totally unhappy with this new development.                                                                                          </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, men love making oaths</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Despite the fact that everyone was still reeling from the events of the night before, no one was able to reject Tyndareus’ proposal. So that very day they all swore an oath that they would support whichever suitor was chosen as Helen’s husband, and that they would bring up arms with him if she were ever stolen away (a very plausible hazard where Helen of Sparta was concerned). After that they sacrificed a horse to seal the deal, because that’s just how that went. Odysseus was feeling very self-satisfied. It was an excellent plan, perfectly executed, and he didn’t see any way it could ever possibly backfire on him.</p><p> </p><p>Shortly after the oath was made, Tyndareus announced that Helen would be marrying Menelaus, surprising exactly no one. That didn't stop Menelaus from fist pumping the air and high-fiving Agamemnon, though, or a few of the other men from pouting. Following that, Tyndareus announced that he would be perfectly happy for Agamemnon to take Clytemnestra as his wife, and sorry to all the other men but, ah, well—Agamemnon had asked first. This resulted in another round of fist pumping and high-fiving from the brothers. </p><p> </p><p>But now everyone <em> had </em>to act happy enough about it, because they'd already sacrificed the horse. It was agreed that the weddings would take place in the following couple of weeks, and that all the men gathered ought to stay in attendance for them as a sign of good faith. The promise of a couple weeks more of free wine to drink and meat to eat and handmaidens to fuck proved enticing enough to make everyone basically fine with this.</p><p> </p><p>As for the matter of Penelope’s hand, Icarius was proving… more difficult than Odysseus had anticipated. He was still refusing to consider any suitor, <em> especially </em>if that suitor was Odysseus, whom he had now decided he hated and, in fact, always had. The hatred was fine and all, but how long was he planning on being this obstinate? Eventually he had to give into his brother’s wishes in one way or another.</p><p> </p><p>After all the business had been done, Tyndareus pulled Odysseus aside to thank him profusely once again for the idea of the oath. He also emphatically promised him that he was working on Icarius, and he would make sure to keep good on his promise to Odysseus in helping him to marry Penelope. It was just a matter of time, he was sure.</p><p> </p><p>But Odysseus wasn't too worried. Things always worked out for him in the end. In the meantime, he figured it couldn't hurt to spend some quality time with Penelope. Maybe persuading her that marriage to him was an attractive concept would help convince her father, too. If she was really so close with Icarius, maybe she could even join in the effort of persuading him herself. </p><p> </p><p>Of course, there was no other possible motive Odysseus could have for wanting to get Penelope alone.</p><p>                                                                                                     </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, odysseus takes steps to woo the fair lady</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>As far as Odysseus could tell, the one upside to how much Icarius loved his daughter was that he also seemed to trust her quite a lot. All the girls already had pretty free reign of the palace, and this didn’t really change even after Odysseus made his intentions clear. Icarius didn’t whisk Penelope away and hide her in a tower or something, which had seemed like a distinct possibility from how he’d reacted to the news.</p><p> </p><p>But that didn’t mean it was necessarily easy to talk with her or get her alone, especially as doing so now would be all the more obvious.</p><p> </p><p>After training one day, Odysseus was walking by himself, mulling this predicament over, when he ran into her by chance. She was walking in his direction and came to a halt when she saw him.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, hello,” she said, her expression unreadable. That was funny. It wasn’t very often Odysseus thought of other people as “unreadable.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hello yourself.” He gave her his most charming smile. “I’ve been hoping to run into you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, really.” Her only tell was her hands, clasped in front of her tightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that surprising?”</p><p> </p><p>A beat. “I suppose not.” Another beat. “I’m not really sure how to talk to you now,” she admitted, giving a wry smile.</p><p> </p><p>“How do you want to talk to me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, with caution?”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus always felt somewhat caught off guard by Penelope’s dry wit, and now he was starting to think she was maybe… funny? Like, genuinely funny.</p><p> </p><p>Before he could work that out for himself, Penelope was speaking again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m actually just coming this way because Helen forgot her fan in her chambers, so...” She pointed past him. </p><p> </p><p>“You couldn’t send a servant for that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I volunteered. Sometimes you need a break, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus raised his eyebrows. “Drama after the other night?” he asked, as though he had nothing to do with it.</p><p> </p><p>“Clytemnestra’s not particularly happy to have to share the spotlight with Helen once again. We’ll never hear the end of it.” She waved a hand as though to say <em> what can you do?  </em></p><p> </p><p>Before he could answer, she continued: “Anyway, I really should be going… They’ll worry after me.” And with that she walked on, skirting around him at a considerable distance.</p><p> </p><p>Frustrated he hadn't seized that opportunity like he'd envisioned, Odysseus was determined to be more assertive from that point on. Luckily, lots of people seemed interested in helping him. </p><p> </p><p>“I mean, this is totally for my own amusement,” Clytemnestra told him the next morning. </p><p> </p><p>Or that. </p><p> </p><p>“Helen’s insufferable and there's never any drama with Penelope,” she concluded.</p><p> </p><p>“It must be great being related to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Please, she <em> wants </em> to see you, I’m doing her a favor.” <em> Interesting. </em> Clytemnestra glared. “Don't be shitty.” </p><p> </p><p>“Just following your lead,” he said, shittily.</p><p> </p><p>Before Clytemnestra could strike back, Diomedes sidled up to them, nose deep in his wine cup. “What’s up, are we plotting?”</p><p> </p><p>“It is ten in the morning,” Clytemnestra said in response. </p><p> </p><p>“Is that too early for plotting?” </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus shook his head. “Never too early for plotting.”</p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra gestured at Diomedes’ chalice irritably. </p><p> </p><p>“This?” He scoffed. “It’s mostly water… Mostly. Just get off my metaphorical dick, please. The competitions are over, we're basically just here now to get wasted while we wait for you two to get hitched. Oh, congratulations, by the way. I’m sure you're going to be like, super happy.” </p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra was about to make a retort when Big Ajax joined them.</p><p> </p><p>“Why is there a circle over here?” He gave them all quizzical looks. “Plotting?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Odysseus and Diomedes said in unison.</p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra pinched the bridge of her nose. “Penelope will be out soon.” She looked at them meaningfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Ohhhh.” Ajax nodded and Diomedes gave a low whistle. “That makes sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good choice, man,” Diomedes said to Odysseus. “I heard she can weave literally anything. I mean I don’t know exactly what that can, like, do for <em> you </em>, but it sounds useful.”</p><p> </p><p>“My kind of woman,” Odysseus replied, and it wasn’t even a joke.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m definitely willing to stand here so you can achieve some kind of proximity to Penelope, if that’s what happening,” Ajax volunteered.</p><p> </p><p>“Honestly, that’s a great idea.” Clytemnestra gestured exaggeratedly at Ajax’s gigantic frame. “If you just move a little back and to the side no one will even be able to see us over here—”</p><p> </p><p>Diomedes was chuckling as Ajax pouted when Penelope came up behind Clytemnestra. Her steps faltered somewhat when she saw the assorted men, but she squared her shoulders and continued on as though it was any other morning before Odysseus’ proposal. Or whatever you wanted to call it.</p><p> </p><p>“Penny!” Clytemnestra greeted in a voice Odysseus had literally never heard her use before. She linked her arm with Penelope’s. “I was just telling Diomedes here that it’s not a good habit to begin drinking so early.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not one to judge.” Penelope mustered a smile. She was dressed in a lavender peplos this morning, her chestnut hair half down, falling over her shoulders in waves. Odysseus was glad for the others’ banter—it gave him a moment to enjoy looking at her.</p><p> </p><p>Finally Clytemnestra said, “I was just going to invite the boys to play dice with us.” She turned to the men. “Helen’s with Mother and Menelaus and Agamemnon are with our father, so we’re desperate for company. What do you think, Penny?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if we’re desperate,” Penelope said in a teasing voice. Odysseus felt the urge to pinch her cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Penelope’s hiding how glad she is. She always wins—she’ll have you all eating out of her hand soon enough.” </p><p> </p><p>A pleasing image, Odysseus thought. </p><p> </p><p>Soon enough they were all sitting on the floor in one of the palace’s many rooms, playing with knucklebones. At first they played children’s games for fun, throwing the dice in the air and catching them on the backs of their hands. But then they moved onto more skill-based games, making combinations with the knucklebones and keeping track of points.</p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra was proven right in her claim that Penelope always won. Her evident luck was coupled with a quick mind, and soon enough she was the only opponent that Odysseus was taking seriously. </p><p> </p><p>“You have to be cheating,” he joked at one point. “I mean, most of this is just luck. You can’t possibly keep getting that combination.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope sniffed, dipping her head. “Clearly I can.” As she leaned forward to scoop up the knucklebones, Odysseus was granted a view of her cleavage down the neck of her gown. He indulged the sight until it was gone.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been accusing Penelope of cheating for years, but I haven’t yet come up with any hard evidence.” Clytemnestra pouted, chin in her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“This is starting to feel a little mathematically impossible,” Diomedes quipped.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe Penelope’s just favored by the gods,” Ajax said. She smiled at him in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Penelope is certainly favored,” Odysseus muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“Get a room,” Diomedes said under a cough.</p><p> </p><p>As if on cue, Clytemnestra sprung up. “I just remembered! Mother is expecting me to meet her and Helen to discuss...wedding stuff.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’ll escort you.” Penelope started to get up.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no!” Clytemnestra exclaimed. “I’ll be back soon! It’s just quick stuff, like I said. You stay—I wouldn’t want to break your streak. Ajax, Diomedes, you can walk with me, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not really proper, Nes—” Penelope began.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, I’m about to be a married woman. I’m unimpeachable.”</p><p> </p><p>Before Penelope could protest further, Clytemnestra was pulling Ajax and Diomedes up and dragging them out of the room with her. And then Odysseus and Penelope were alone.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Penelope knew what Clytemnestra was doing, of course. You didn’t have to be a genius for it to be glaringly obvious. </p><p> </p><p>She and Odysseus sat in tense silence for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus was the one to break the ice. “Do you want to make this game interesting? You could probably win a small fortune off me with the luck you’re having.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope raised her eyebrows. “Luck has nothing to do with it.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you admit you’re cheating?” </p><p> </p><p>She laughed. “We can keep playing if you want, but I don’t exactly carry around money.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good.”</p><p> </p><p>They shifted closer to each other for ease of playing now that it was just them. Or at least, that’s what Penelope told herself to justify the proximity.</p><p> </p><p>They played largely in silence, and it was a surprisingly comfortable one. Sometimes he would groan and tease her when she got a very good roll, and she would conceal a giggle and tease him back. His hand brushed hers occasionally, and she tried not to react noticeably to the contact. She’d been doing so well, being firm, being just the right amount of detached and demure—she couldn’t falter now, when it really counted!</p><p> </p><p>“You know my father has heard about you,” Odysseus said suddenly, rolling the die.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” Penelope tried not to show just how interested she was in this revelation. “From yourself?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not exactly… Do you remember when I first visited here? You were young but old enough for people to talk about you.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope remembered very well when her crush on Odysseus had been born, but she wasn’t about to tell <em> him </em>that. “Yes, I think I remember...”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, after I returned home, and my father was interrogating me about what I’d seen and what my impressions had been, he brought you up himself. I hadn’t mentioned you… Not for any particular reason, just the nature of my visit had been to practice being a king and meeting with other kings and all those things kings do. But my father said that he’d heard of the Spartan girls, Helen, of course, and Clytemnestra—and that he’d heard of you, in particular.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope was surprised any story about her had stood out next to Helen, or even Clytemnestra. “Really?” She narrowed her eyes. “Are you just saying this to flatter me?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no, I swear!” Odysseus laughed, but something about his eyes, his manner of telling this story, struck her as true. Penelope felt her instincts about Odysseus were good, and she nodded for him to continue. </p><p> </p><p>“He said he’d heard that you were a good girl—prudent, modest, wise beyond your years. The makings of a good wife, basically. He said if I was as smart as I think I am I’d turn my attention to a girl like you. I thought I’d just been learning about diplomatic relations, but of course my father had the future queen on his mind as well… I guess at the time I didn’t realize a wife was part of all that.” Odysseus gave her a sideways smile.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope swallowed. <em> Future queen </em>. She didn’t know what to say to that, so she settled for the safe, but somewhat encouraging, “I’d like to meet your father one day.”</p><p> </p><p>“And clearly he’d like to meet you. You can weave him a shroud, he’s an old man.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, stop. He can’t be much older than my father.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly my point,” Odysseus said with a raised eyebrow. Without thinking, Penelope slapped his arm playfully and he caught her hand in his, interlacing their fingers. She allowed it, heart racing, and lowered her head to avoid eye contact. Odysseus gave a laugh at her show of modesty. </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t think much of it at the time, but now I think maybe he did plant the idea in my mind.” Odysseus’ breath was hot on her cheek, and Penelope realized they were very close now. Her mind was racing, thinking of what to do next—lean into him, fend him off? But the dilemma was handled for her as Clytemnestra traipsed back into the room, now with Agamemnon on her heels.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus pulled away from Penelope easily, putting an appropriate amount of distance between them.</p><p> </p><p>“Has Penelope been wiping the floor with you?” Agamemnon asked as he approached them.</p><p> </p><p>“I have been thoroughly put in my place.” </p><p> </p><p>“Wow. You’re already fucking whipped.” Agamemnon shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shut up.” Clytemnestra rolled her eyes. She turned to Penelope. “There is actually wedding stuff we need your help with. Weaving. We can all play dice together again tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra kept true to that promise. Odysseus may have thought that he was the best schemer of them all, but Penelope knew that no one could really compete with Clytemnestra. Even if she <em> was </em> very obvious sometimes. She just had a knack for making situations go the way she wanted.</p><p><br/>The next day they were joined once again by Big Ajax and Diomedes, as well as Helen, Menelaus, and Agamemnon. Everyone seemed to have an excuse ready for having to leave, and Helen and Clytemnestra directed their soon-to-be husbands easily enough. After less than an hour of them all playing together (and verbally abusing one another), yet another situation had been manufactured in which Penelope was left alone with Odysseus.</p><p> </p><p>This time, they were sitting side by side on a marble bench, and she was the one to break the proverbial ice. </p><p> </p><p>“My family is very subtle, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t complain. They’re helping me, after all.” His tone was lighthearted. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope glanced sidelong at him. “My father would probably disown Helen and Clytemnestra as his nieces if he knew they were doing this.” She was only half joking. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you worried about getting in trouble?”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope had noticed that was something Odysseus often did: he would ask a question that was designed to lead you down a certain path, usually a suggestive one, but in such a way where it was impossible to call him out on it. </p><p> </p><p>“No. The benefit of always being good is that everyone assumes you’ll never be bad.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus got some look in his eyes at that, but Penelope couldn’t decipher it. “You shouldn’t even need their help then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well. I want to respect my father’s wishes.” </p><p> </p><p>“But don’t you want to marry me?” he asked, enough of a lilt in his voice that he could beg off as teasing need be. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope was too sharp to be fooled by his tone. “I believe it’s my father you’ll be needing to speak with about that.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus leaned towards her. “I don’t think I should have any trouble with him. I’m very good at being persuasive.”</p><p> </p><p>She raised her eyebrows. “You think you’re good at everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I am.”</p><p> </p><p>“Does anything ever make you uncertain? Nervous? Embarrassed?”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus looked like he was seriously considering her question. And then: “No.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope continued to assess him, hands folded over her knees, posture perfect. She’d managed to contain herself this whole time, but now that Odysseus was so close, and the expression on his face so sure, she was worried that she’d slip. She dipped her head momentarily, trying to think of something to say. <em> Maybe he is good at everything, and I’ll always be one step behind him</em>. She wasn’t sure she wanted that in a marriage, to feel less than. Of the girls, she’d always been the cleverest, the most studious, the most responsible—maybe not the most beautiful, but that was no shame when Helen was your competition.</p><p> </p><p>“I think about you sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope looked up. “I’m sorry?”</p><p> </p><p>“In the way a husband may think of his wife.” Odysseus was undaunted, and Penelope was surely blushing now. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” she breathed. She knew this, knew that he must think of her. She’d caught him looking at her sometimes, too long, eyes drifting lower than they should, and up and down more often than was proper. This was true even before his “proposal.” She always got the sense that he almost meant for her to catch him, that his attention to her was partly calculated for her notice. She’d have been lying if she didn’t admit to herself that she was flattered, and in all honesty it only fueled her crush on him. Still, she never really thought it was anything more than sheer ogling, or a sort of game intended to get a reaction out of her. Even to think he fantasized about her seemed self-indulgent. You’d have to be an idiot to think Odysseus wasn’t… <em> familiar </em>with women.</p><p> </p><p>But then there was his new public interest in her, his courtship of her this past week or so. It made the looks more valid, and gave her a swell of shallow pride. Still, it had occurred to Penelope that this could be the sort of thing someone like him would use to entertain, or that he was just trying to get her on his side.</p><p> </p><p>Now, though. Now that he’d said this out loud, and his eyes betrayed some distinct emotion, all of her in-depth logic was for naught. Her cheeks, neck, chest, belly, they <em> burned—</em>she didn’t think she’d ever felt so hot. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus waited a beat after her ineloquent “oh” and then he leaned even closer to her, breath on her face, and she felt her eyes shuttering closed on instinct. </p><p> </p><p>When she just felt his nose brush against hers, he said, “I’m going to kiss you,” and she heard herself go, “Yes, okay,” and before the words were even entirely out of her mouth his lips were slanting over hers. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope had kissed a few boys, when she was younger, largely on dares from Helen and Clytemnestra, and she’d even been on the receiving end of a couple unexpected stolen kisses. But she’d never been kissed like this. She was totally overwhelmed—overwhelmed by the press of his lips, his tongue sliding against hers, the scratchy feeling of his beard on her skin, the heat pooling in her belly. She didn’t know what to do with her hands, so she didn’t do anything with them, leaving them folded in her lap. Odysseus seemed to sense her uncertainty, keeping his hands clenched on her upper arms, fingers digging into the fleshy skin there. She was trying to kiss him back, but she felt like she couldn’t keep up.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus broke it off. He trailed his lips to her cheek, kissing her there once, and then down to her neck, kissing each side, and then to the dip of her collarbone. He rested his head there, hands still gripping her arms, and she caught her breath, completely unsure of how to proceed. </p><p> </p><p>And then against her chest, she both heard and felt him say, “I’ll still marry you if you give yourself to me now.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope started, her mind snapping back to reality. “You don’t even know if you <em> can </em> marry me.” </p><p> </p><p>He looked up at her, smiling crookedly. “Yes, I do.”</p><p> </p><p>She scoffed outwardly, an unusual gesture for her. “No, you don’t. Just because you’re—you’re clever, and you always get your way, doesn’t mean that it will always be true. And you shouldn’t play with lives with only your own cunning as insurance!”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus seemed mildly surprised. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I just want you, is all.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not—” Penelope broke off. Maybe she was offended. But she did still want him too, she couldn’t deny that. “I don’t know,” she conceded.</p><p> </p><p>“But you want to marry me?” he asked in a mock-whine, and she couldn’t help but laugh, and then they were laughing together. Another comfortable silence followed. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope knew what she had to do then. Reluctantly turning her face away from his, she stood. Odysseus’ strong arms slid down her body as she rose, wrapping around her thighs. Looking down at him, she smiled and, on instinct, ran one hand through his thick black hair. His eyes closed for a moment, and when they reopened, he quirked an eyebrow at her. </p><p> </p><p>“So… No sex?”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope held back the laugh she knew he was trying to get out of her again, and instead fixed her face in her best look of regal dignity. </p><p> </p><p>“It seems to me that you ought to speak with my father.” Disentangling herself from his arms, she only allowed herself to smile once she was walking away. </p><p> </p><p>When she was safely in her chambers, she fell onto her plush bed, holding a pillow against her chest and sighing dreamily.  </p><p>                                                                                                    <b>  </b></p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, penelope does some thinking</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>As much as Penelope felt she wanted Odysseus, wanted to marry him, and wanted lots of… <em> very </em>improper things that a good girl like her should not admit to thinking of, she couldn’t help but feel like she should make him work for it a little more. </p><p> </p><p>It was that earlier comment, it wouldn’t stop niggling at her. <em> I’ll still marry you if you give yourself to me now. </em> She suspected he thought it was flattering. And it wasn’t <em> not</em>… But it was hard to think about what she ought to find flattering or not when she couldn’t stop thinking about how he looked at her, how he kissed her. This was the problem exactly! He must have known he had this effect. She couldn’t possibly allow him to have the upper hand like this, could she? It would set the tone for their whole theoretical marriage, and Penelope wasn’t so meek.</p><p> </p><p><em> I’ll still marry you if you give yourself to me now</em>. It was just that comment, that proposition, that <em> state of mind </em>. It was classic Odysseus, so cocky and entitled. And yes, if anyone was in a position to be so it was probably him. He certainly was cunning and clever and strong and courageous and sly and a slew of other adjectives that Penelope wasn’t going to compliment him with any time soon. He was full enough of himself without her help. </p><p> </p><p>But Penelope knew herself, knew her abilities, and it may have been prideful, but once she managed to step back from Odysseus’ blinding presence, she came back to herself and the fact that she was not easily cowed. Even if she had a crush that she was starting to fear was not simply a crush at all.</p><p> </p><p>So yeah. She was going to make him work for it a little bit. </p><p>                                                                                                    </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, penelope plants a seed of her own</em> </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Penelope was sitting in her family’s rooms, working on some weaving for Helen and Clytemnestra’s wedding gowns, when her father walked in the room and gave her a smile in greeting. She smiled back and watched as he sifted through papyri absentmindedly.</p><p> </p><p>Rousing her courage, she piped up, “Father?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm, yes, my dear?”</p><p> </p><p>“I just wanted to apologize to you for the current… situation.” Penelope lowered her head, as though ashamed.</p><p> </p><p>This fully gained Icarius’ attention. Turning towards her, he shook his head. “I know it’s not your fault, don’t worry yourself over it. That Odysseus boy has always been a troublemaker. He charms everyone but I’ve always seen him as just a… well, an upstart.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope thought that her father’s opinion of Odysseus would likely have remained as neutral as ever if it weren’t for his recent proposal. But she wasn’t going to share that thought.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, she perked up, as though it had been worrying her <em> ever </em>so greatly that her father secretly blamed her. “Oh, Father, I’m so glad to hear you’re not upset with me! I do promise I knew nothing of his plans or—or intentions.” At least that wasn’t a lie.</p><p> </p><p>Icarius walked over and gave her a reassuring kiss on the top of her head. “I know, my dear, you’re not the type of girl to do any such thing.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope nodded gravely. She considered the fact that if her father were aware of her encounters with Odysseus in the past days, he would probably spontaneously combust. And that didn’t even go to mention the <em> details </em> , like the fact that she had, at least somewhat, encouraged him, and that she had let him kiss her and that they’d spoken of <em> sex </em>... She felt the odd urge to giggle at the thought.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry you’re now in a… rift, with my uncle,” she went on carefully. The key here was not to be too obvious.</p><p> </p><p>“So am I,” Icarius said, exasperated. “Odysseus is a snake. He’s completely poisoned my brother against me, Tyndareus won't let the matter rest even for a moment whenever I see him.”</p><p> </p><p>“I could never counsel you better than you can yourself, Father.” Penelope lowered her head. “But of course, friction within families is never ideal...”</p><p> </p><p>“A needless rift with my brother is the last thing I want, certainly.”</p><p> </p><p>“If only there were some way to resolve this conflict… To give your brother what he demands and to maintain your authority as my lord father.” Penelope tried to strike an absentminded tone, as though she was simply musing about this unfortunate situation they found themselves in.</p><p> </p><p>“Indeed...” Icarius seemed thoughtful.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope waited for him to ruminate a bit more before saying, “I respect your wishes completely, you know.” She gave her father her brightest, sweetest smile. “If I were ever to marry—which of course I won’t as long you don’t wish it—I could only ever hope to marry a man as good as you. If only some man could prove his worth somehow, or could measure up to you in some way! Of course, though, no man could ever do so, or ever surpass you.” </p><p> </p><p>Penelope gave her father another few beats to absorb her words and let his thoughts run away with them.</p><p> </p><p>Finally: “Anyway! I’m sure you’ll do what’s best.”</p><p> </p><p>And with that, she turned back to her weaving.                 </p><p>                                                                               </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, the plot thickens!</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Lo and behold, Icarius announced to the court the very next day that if any man desired to marry his beloved daughter Penelope, he would have to beat him in a footrace. Only <em>then </em>would he be worthy of Penelope’s hand. This challenge was not so much directed at the entire group of young men still collected at Tyndareus’ palace, as much as it was, clearly and unsubtly, directed at Odysseus, and only Odysseus, the Reason for This Whole Mess. As such, men who would have seen this as a sort of Helen 2.0 opportunity did not step up to the challenge, as Icarius’ words and generally terrifying demeanor made it clear he was not fucking around.</p><p> </p><p>That didn’t stop many of the men from boasting that of course <em> they </em> would be able to win such a race, and if Odysseus failed, well, then, the challenge had been set and Icarius couldn’t just take it back—and, you know, now that they thought about it, Penelope <em> was </em>pretty hot. These same men found themselves suddenly glad that they had Helen and Clytemnestra’s impending marriages as an excuse to stick around a little while longer.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus ignored those men resolutely and assured himself that this was manageable. Sure, he had… not seen this development coming, but it was fine. </p><p> </p><p>Tyndareus even apologized to Odysseus under his breath after Icarius stormed out of the hall post-announcement, explaining that he had told his brother that he <em> had </em>to allow suitors the opportunity to court Penelope. At first Icarius hadn’t given any ground, but it seemed that when he’d realized Tyndareus would not relent he had countered that it was his right as Penelope’s father to set a challenge for any potential suitor. Which was technically true. And so here they were.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus was looking forward to seeing Penelope after the news. He wanted to see how she had reacted to it, wanted to see if he could read any discernible change in her behavior. He found that he thought about her a lot—almost all the time, really. It made sense, he supposed. His life <em> did </em> currently revolve around trying to marry her. More than that, though, he found himself wondering what she would think about things in general, how she’d respond to them, what she’d say… But in all honesty, the majority of his thoughts revolved around all the different ways he wanted to fuck her, especially after the kiss the other day. As inexperienced and unsure as she was, <em> that </em> had been fodder for masturbatory fantasies. The inexperience was part of what was sexy about it; he liked the idea of showing her things. </p><p>                                                                                                 </p><p>Odysseus found her in the courtyard after Icarius’ announcement, lovely as always in a pale pink peplos. “I assume you’ve heard your father’s decision?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm, yes, I think I heard something about it.” Something about how she said that reminded him of himself. </p><p> </p><p>“So what do you think?” </p><p> </p><p>Penelope gave a little shrug, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I think if you win you’ll be my husband, and if not then you won’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not to sound arrogant—”</p><p> </p><p>“Naturally.”</p><p> </p><p>“—but I think I should win easily.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll certainly be very impressed! He was the champion runner in his day.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you not know?” Penelope was the face of innocence. “When he was your age he was undefeated. I believe he set records.”</p><p> </p><p>This caught Odysseus off guard. “Well, that was a long time ago… He’s much older now.” How had he gone so quickly from his initial, surefooted confidence to making rationalizations based on Icarius’ older age?</p><p> </p><p>“Perhaps! Still, his record hasn’t been beaten—he’s always talking about his best time. You know how fathers are about their youthful accomplishments.” Penelope waved a hand.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus wasn’t sure what to say—a <em> very </em>unfamiliar experience for him. He cleared his throat. “Ah, well… I do very well in the footraces.” His response sounded lame even to his ears. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I know.” Penelope’s eyes twinkled. “I’ve watched you in the contests.”</p><p> </p><p>Before Odysseus could think of what to say next, Penelope was saying goodbye, explaining that Helen and Clytemnestra needed her help with even more weaving. And Odysseus was left there, feeling strange.</p><p>
  <b>  </b>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, odysseus experiences an unfamiliar sensation: uncertainty</em> </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>After his conversation with Penelope, Odysseus was not feeling as cocksure as usual. Wandering somewhat aimlessly, he ran into Diomedes, Patroclus, and Achilles in another of the palace courtyards. The men immediately fell into discussion about Icarius’ contest.</p><p> </p><p>“This is good news, right?” Patroclus was positive as always. “I mean, at least he’s not saying he won’t even consider it anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Definitely. Yeah.” Odysseus nodded. </p><p> </p><p>Diomedes looked surprised. “Are you… are you worried?” </p><p> </p><p>“No, of course not. I’m fine… But, uh, I did hear that her father was a champion runner. <em> The </em>champion runner?” Odysseus tried to keep his tone level and not reveal that he was, indeed, a bit worried.</p><p> </p><p>The three men exchanged looks.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what I’ve heard...” Achilles trailed off.</p><p> </p><p>Patroclus gave Odysseus a sympathetic look. “Well, he’s old now, and you’re probably the fastest runner of all of us—you’re always winning in the footraces. You even beat Little Ajax!”</p><p> </p><p>“Penelope’s dad is old as balls,” Achilles chimed in. “And maybe when he was young everyone else was just, like… a shitty runner.”</p><p> </p><p>Patroclus laughed. “Yeah, let’s pray all our fathers and uncles were just absolute shit at racing.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus raised his face towards the sky, as though begging for godly intervention in that very moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, man, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Diomedes said. Patroclus nudged Achilles, who in response nodded and clapped a hand on Odysseus’ shoulder, awkwardly.</p><p> </p><p>“I know I can win,” Odysseus said, trying to summon the confidence that usually came to him so naturally, and absently wondering how long Achilles was going to keep his hand on his shoulder. “But I’d rather have insurance of some kind.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm, it helps having a goddess as a mother,” Achilles agreed, taking his hand off of Odysseus’ shoulder to gesture vaguely at the sky. “Have you been making sacrifices at Athena’s temple? I do that even with the goddess mother. For you I’d recommend upping that to on the daily.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, I leave daily offerings regardless of my current circumstances.” Odysseus pitched his voice, as though Athena herself might overhear.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, dude, don’t be, like, desperate,” Achilles said, and Patroclus sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, the weddings are happening in a couple of days anyway,” Diomedes interjected. “The race won’t happen till after then. You’ve got time to relax, or if you’re feeling up to it you could even devise some strategy to make sure you win. I’m sure Achilles would be willing to shatter Icarius’ kneecaps.”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely,” Achilles agreed enthusiastically. </p><p> </p><p>“You understand that you’re not really going to shatter his kneecaps, right?” Patroclus asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Duh.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, but I need to hear you actually say it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know why everyone thinks I’m always just, like, walking around, looking to shatter people’s kneecaps—”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus sighed. He was grateful for the approaching weddings. He could use a break.     </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments feed me ❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. shoot the perfect bullseye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to @skypirateb for beta'ing once again and the hilarious line "and besides, they shared an office space." You'll see what I'm talking about.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"i'm yours, i should be spoken of as yours"</p><p>-<em>heroides</em>, ovid</p><hr/><p> </p><p><b><em>and so, weddings are a great excuse for bad behavior</em> </b> </p><p> </p><p>Helen and Clytemnestra’s double wedding was a three-day affair, as custom dictated. Unsurprisingly, everyone got absolutely wrecked during it.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus was good at holding his wine, but even he got deep enough into his cups to result in some of his memories of those days being… blurry at best. In hindsight, Odysseus felt he could remember just how debauched everyone was and just how much he was letting himself get swept up in it by tracking the development in his interactions with Penelope.</p><p>  </p><p>The first day was intended for Helen and Clytemnestra to spend with their family and friends, saying goodbye and preparing to transition into their new lives as wives. This was largely formality for them, as they weren’t going anywhere after the wedding, at least any time soon. As such, all the men were basically left to their own devices but provided with the usual lavish banquets, even more decked out now that it was in the name of an actual celebration.</p><p> </p><p>So Odysseus didn’t see Penelope that day, and he spent most of his time playing dice and talking with Diomedes, Achilles, and Patroclus. </p><p> </p><p>“Poor Clytemnestra, having to marry King Meathead,” Achilles was saying.</p><p> </p><p>“Eh, she seems like she can handle herself.” Patroclus took a drink.</p><p> </p><p>“Still.” Achilles made a gagging noise. “He’s just the worst.”</p><p> </p><p>“When you’re right you're right.” Odysseus rolled the dice.</p><p> </p><p>Diomedes chuckled. “Don’t worry about her too much. She’ll probably, like, cut off his dick and feed it to a goat or something before the year is up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now <em> that </em>I respect.” Achilles nodded approvingly.  </p><p> </p><p>The second day was the day of the actual double wedding. It was an all-day affair that included offerings to the gods, gifts, animal sacrifices, chariot processions, banquets, music, dancing, and much more besides. </p><p> </p><p>The ceremonies themselves were rather somber. Odysseus found it sort of bizarre to watch Helen and Clytemnestra be married to Menelaus and Agamemnon in such a formal manner when he knew all of their respective personalities and how <em> not </em>formal and somber they were. </p><p> </p><p>But that part of the day was over pretty quickly, and then everyone moved into the festivities, feasting and dancing and mingling. It was almost weird to think that the girls were officially married now, and the debacle that had brought them all there and gone on for weeks was now resolved. </p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra and Helen were engaged in a ceremonial dance when Odysseus ran into Penelope—although he didn’t so much “run into” her as he’d been watching her take part in the dances, waiting for her to take a break. When she walked to the side of the hall to refresh herself with a glass of wine, she headed to the spot where he was standing. He took that as a sign of encouragement. He greeted her with a smile. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” she responded, hiding her own smile behind her cup. Her face was flushed from the dancing, and she was wearing a sky blue gown, her hair up in an intricate style that exposed her shoulders and long neck. Odysseus had never found himself noticing things like what color gown a woman wore or how her hair was done before Penelope. </p><p> </p><p>He frowned momentarily. Not liking how captivated he felt, he decided to be bold. “I enjoyed watching you dancing.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad someone enjoyed it, I only take part when forced. That should be my last dance of the night.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a shame.” He clucked his tongue. “No point in trying to persuade you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, there's always a point in trying.” </p><p> </p><p>“I completely agree.”</p><p> </p><p>They smiled at each other. </p><p> </p><p>“So how bad do you think the guests are going to get tonight?” she asked after a beat.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it’s going to get very bad.” He nodded knowingly. “The past few weeks were nothing. This group… They’re animals.”</p><p> </p><p>She laughed. “Great. I love watching people make fools of themselves.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s also one of my favorite pastimes. You have great taste.”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly there were hands gripping Penelope’s shoulders. He looked over her head to see that Icarius was behind her, giving Odysseus a dirty look. </p><p> </p><p>“Come now, Penelope,” Icarius said, steering her away and glaring daggers at Odysseus. “Your family is missing you.” </p><p> </p><p>Penelope shot Odysseus an apologetic look as she was pulled away, but he just smiled at her and shook his head in response. For whatever reason, he felt exceptionally fond of her in that moment. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Penelope spent the next hour or so sitting with her father and sisters, intermittently speaking with guests and picking at the huge variety of food in front of her. For whatever reason she didn’t have much of an appetite—she almost felt on edge. Her younger sisters were giddy and vapid, and she wished she could talk to Clytemnestra and Helen. But they were farther down the table with their parents and Agamemnon and Menelaus, too far to speak with. That didn’t stop them from occasionally catching her eye and giving her silly looks or making crude gestures about other people when they weren’t looking. </p><p> </p><p>At one point, Penelope had her sights on Odysseus, watching him as he spoke with some of the other men in the hall, when suddenly she had the feeling that she, too, was being watched. She turned her head to see that Clytemnestra and Helen were looking at her, giggling. Helen stuck her tongue out at her, and Clytemnestra shook her head in a show of mock disappointment. Penelope rolled her eyes at them exaggeratedly and turned back to the plate in front of her, pretending to pick at some fish. She would never hear the end of it from them about <em> that</em>. She sighed.</p><p> </p><p>Not long after that, her father yawned beside her. </p><p> </p><p>“How are you feeling?” she asked politely. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m rather tired, honestly.” He drew a hand down his face. “I certainly don’t have the night’s festivities in me.” </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to retire?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” He paused. “Do you want to stay up and enjoy the rest of the night?” His voice was stiff, as though this was hard for him to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” She hesitated. Saying yes seemed like the wrong answer, but…</p><p> </p><p>Her father evidently read the conflict on her face. He had a soft look in his eyes, and he patted her knee, saying, “Stay, stay. You know I trust you. Anyway, you should keep an eye on your sisters and the rest of the younger girls—I’ll never hear the end of it from them if I try to cart them off now, and I don’t have the fight in me, honestly.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiled at him, grateful. “I’ll report back to you in the morning about just how much of a fool everyone makes of themselves,” she promised. </p><p> </p><p>He smiled back and kissed the top of her head before leaving. </p><p> </p><p>The moment he was gone the younger girls were scattering, wanting to dance or mingle; but Clytemnestra and Helen, still sitting in their veils, beckoned Penelope over. She gathered her skirts and made her way to them.</p><p> </p><p>Standing in front of them, she put a hand on her hip. “So, how does it feel to be married women?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm, we’re very important now,” Clytemnestra said in a serious tone. Penelope could see her slight smile through her veil.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes,” Helen agreed. “You may kiss my hand.” She exaggeratedly dangled her arm in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope flicked the back of her hand playfully and sat down. Clytemnestra snickered. </p><p> </p><p>“Where have Agamemnon and Menelaus gone?” Penelope asked, eyes scanning the crowd. </p><p> </p><p>“Who knows,” Clytemnestra said. “I think they had to go sacrifice another sheep or whatever. You know how men are.”</p><p> </p><p>“No one ever tells you you don’t get to have any fun at your own wedding. We just have to sit here, looking pure.” Helen pouted.</p><p> </p><p>“Mm,” Penelope hummed. “Well, the bedding should be soon.” She gave them conspiratorial looks. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s probably why your father just left.” Clytemnestra chuckled. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he doesn’t want to be reminded of what’ll happen to his sweet daughter soon enough.” Helen grinned at Penelope through her veil. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope’s face felt warm. “Well, we don’t know that.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes we do,” Clytemnestra said at the same time that Helen said, confidently, “Odysseus’ll win.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope paused. “Are you nervous?” she asked, voice low. </p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra and Helen exchanged looks. They were both supremely confident girls, but there was a sort of excited nervousness about them.</p><p> </p><p>“Not really,” Clytemnestra said, Helen nodding in agreement. “I don’t know, it’s like… We’ve known them forever. Everything’s been leading up to this.” She shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom told us both to drink a lot,” Helen added, nodding to her wine cup. “Which is kind of like, yikes, Mom. But I am feeling a good buzz.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope realized she was also feeling a little buzzed. She’d drunk more than she’d thought.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I guess it can’t hurt to feel… loosened up.” Penelope scrunched up her face at her own choice of words as the girls laughed. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m really not nervous,” Helen insisted. She paused. “Could you do us a favor, though?”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope widened her eyes. “What do you need?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, we were thinking… You know how the bedding works. Everyone escorts us there and then they’re supposed to, like, hang around outside while we…”</p><p> </p><p>“Seal the deal,” Clytemnestra supplied. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope knew very well. As close family she would be one of the main ones to escort them. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, could you just try to move people along quickly, back to the party?” </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see what I can do…” Penelope sympathized. The whole tradition was already uncomfortable, but something about it <em> was </em> especially weird with the double wedding and all. “They’re a rowdy bunch, though. And the younger girls love that stuff, they’ll be hard to move along.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re wily, I’m sure you can herd them.” Helen smiled. </p><p> </p><p>“No one says no to you, Penny,” Clytemnestra agreed. “Maybe you can enlist Odysseus to the cause. He’ll be plenty happy to help you out.” Helen giggled.</p><p> </p><p>The girls talked and joked for a while longer until, just as Penelope had predicted, it was time for the bedding. </p><p> </p><p>A procession began, comprised mainly of the guests and younger members of the family, directing the newlyweds towards their respective bedchambers. Penelope was towards the front, close to Helen and Clytemnestra, and not far behind here were Odysseus and many of Helen’s old suitors. Lots of them, especially the younger girls, were throwing nuts and berries at the brides and grooms, as custom dictated. Penelope also got pelted in the process, eventually giving up on trying to brush the projectiles out of her hair. The group was incredibly loud, jeering and making bawdy jokes and innuendos as they all pushed forward. </p><p> </p><p>“Iphthime, I <em> know </em> you’re aiming right for my head!” Helen shouted at Penelope’s younger sister. She squealed, her voice drowned out by the noise. Menelaus was beside her, trying to cover her head, but it was little use—Iphthime had strikingly good aim. </p><p> </p><p>“Iphthime, stop it!” Penelope shouted over the ruckus, reaching out to slap her sister’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Give me some of those,” Castor said, stealing some berries from the girls and joining in.</p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra was covering her ears. “I hate fertility rituals, I swear, who came up with this shit—” Agamemnon laughed as she got jostled forward and almost tripped, but he <em> did </em>reach out to catch and steady her, so Penelope guessed that was a point in his favor. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you think it’s weird that they’re getting bedded at the same time?” Penelope heard Big Ajax say behind her. “Like, they’re sisters and brothers and it’s all gonna be happening at the same time…”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope looked over her shoulder, fixing him with a look even though the same thought <em> had </em>occurred to her earlier. The men surrounding him, which included Achilles, Patroclus, Diomedes, and Odysseus, began laughing when they saw the look on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Ajax said when he realized she’d heard him. “I am… very drunk.” He held up his hands, looking genuinely apologetic. Odysseus kept laughing, evidently delighted.</p><p> </p><p>Soon enough the group had reached the hall with the bedchambers, and the two couples were pushed into their respective rooms, everyone laughing and shouting at each other. Penelope breathed a sigh of relief—now she just had to try to convince everyone to go back to the party. </p><p> </p><p>This proved as difficult as she had feared.</p><p> </p><p>“Iphthime, why are you still throwing nuts at me, stop it—” Penelope batted her sister away.</p><p> </p><p>“I do agree with you that this is weird,” Achilles was saying to Ajax, “but for me it’s just the fact that Agamemnon’s involved, that would upset me no matter what—”</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, Diomedes, you spilled wine on my feet—”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s because Ajax keeps bumping into me—”</p><p> </p><p>“But I’m over here!”</p><p> </p><p>“Not <em> you</em>, I meant Little Ajax—”</p><p> </p><p>“Girls!” Penelope rose her voice, trying to get the attention of her female cousins and sisters. Hopefully the men would follow in the process. “Let’s go back to the party. If we go back now I’ll let you do whatever you want and I won’t tell on any of you.” </p><p> </p><p>This was a very compelling offer. The girls considered it. “I don’t know…” They were murmuring amongst themselves. </p><p> </p><p>“We can all dance!” Penelope tried to sound as enthusiastic as possible. “Doesn’t that sound nice?” She turned to the assorted men, giving them a meaningful look. Clytemnestra was right: they would likely go along with whatever she suggested. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus was looking at her knowingly. The other men nodded politely, muttering vague agreements, following her lead. The effect was somewhat marred by the drunken expressions on many of their faces, but it was good enough.</p><p> </p><p>“So you’ll dance with us, Penny?” Iphthime smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, I don’t think that’s what I said—”</p><p> </p><p>“It is kind of exactly what you said,” Odysseus cut in, eyes twinkling. Penelope widened her eyes at him, pressing her lips together.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s what I heard!” Iphthime grabbed Penelope’s arm and started pulling her out of the hall, everyone else following. Penelope sighed inwardly. At least her strategy had worked.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>One </em>dance, Iphthime,” Penelope insisted as the hoard rushed back to the party. </p><p> </p><p>The festivities were being held throughout the palace’s large banquet hall and the many outdoor courtyards. Once they returned, Penelope took another swig of wine while they waited for the current song to end. Iphthime went around, gathering various other girls to take part in the dance. The party was loud and hot, the music and conversation and moving bodies inundating Penelope’s senses. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus was looking at Penelope with an amused expression. “Excited to dance now?” </p><p> </p><p>“I want to pay my debt quickly,” Penelope answered, a hand on her hip. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m excited to watch.” He grinned. “And I didn’t even have to persuade you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You do seem to have a knack for getting your way.” She handed Odysseus her goblet as Iphthime pulled her into the circle of girls, ready to begin the dance. </p><p> </p><p>She knew that Odysseus really was watching her as she began to dance. Rather than making her feel nervous, she found herself liking the feeling of his eyes on her. She spun in the circle, twirling with her arms raised above her head, moving in time to the melody. The other girls were smiling and laughing, and soon enough Penelope found that she was, too. Sometimes she would catch a glimpse of Odysseus as she was spinning, and she saw that there was a small smile tugging at his lips as he watched her. Penelope felt more and more confident as the dance went on, and by the time it was over she was breathless and giddy.</p><p> </p><p>Iphthime pinched her arm when it was over and said, “Was that so hard?” Penelope laughed but shook her head, and then she made her way back to Odysseus.</p><p> </p><p>He handed her back her wine and she took another long drink. “Oh,” she said, looking into the cup after she was done. “It’s empty.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus laughed. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s so funny?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing, nothing,” he said, still laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s so funny!”</p><p> </p><p>“It was just your face.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong with my face?”</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely nothing is wrong with your face.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope felt herself flush even further. Odysseus reached out and touched her hair. She started, but then realized he was removing some of the nuts and berries that had lodged themselves there earlier.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, thank you,” she said, as he continued to pick the remnants out of her updo. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course.” When he was done, he let his hand linger for a moment, brushing the back of his fingers against her hair. </p><p> </p><p>They were very close again—this seemed to keep happening, and Penelope wasn’t quite sure how, but she knew she felt an urge to gravitate towards him. They were standing directly in front of each other, certainly not flush, but quite close. Odysseus was not the tallest of the men, nowhere near the real giants like Big Ajax and Menelaus, but he was much taller than her, and she found herself craning her neck to look up at him as they stared at each other. People were swarming around them, talking and laughing, but she almost felt like she was alone with him in that moment.</p><p> </p><p>“You look really lovely tonight,” he murmured. His green eyes were fixed on hers. She could feel his breath on her face. He smelled like wine. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think you’ve ever complimented me like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really? I do it in my head all the time.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s funny. You’re so good at talking.”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled slyly. “You’re right. I should voice these thoughts more often.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t be opposed.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. Some of them might shock you.”</p><p> </p><p>She felt a rush at his words. </p><p> </p><p>Before she could respond, her cousin Polydeuces was suddenly at her side, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Empty cup?” he prompted. She laughed, nodding. He filled her cup with the wine jug he was holding and gave her a peck on the cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry to ruin the moment!” he chirped, and with that he moved on.</p><p> </p><p>But then other men were sidling up to them, jostling Odysseus and ribbing him in vulgar, masculine language about his behavior with Penelope. She grinned, enjoying the scene and Odysseus’ exaggerated, long-suffering expression. </p><p> </p><p>“That was nice what you did for your cousins,” Patroclus said to Penelope as Odysseus bantered with the others. “Beddings are always weird.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, well, it was the least I could do,” she said with a smile. Patroclus smiled back. </p><p> </p><p>“Is he bothering you?” Diomedes asked Penelope loudly, gesturing to Odysseus, who rolled his eyes. “We can totally get rid of him for you if he is.” </p><p> </p><p>Penelope laughed. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, just say the word,” Diomedes said into his chalice.</p><p> </p><p>“Has Odysseus made any big gestures to prove his love for you?” Big Ajax prompted. “Tokens of affection?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm, I’m not sure I’d say that,” Penelope mused. “Could you give an example of what you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus gave her a look and she smiled back at him, impish.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm, I don’t know.” Ajax pondered. “He’s always making shit—maybe like some furniture or something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, no. Odysseus has not yet gifted me with any pieces of furniture.”</p><p> </p><p>The assorted men laughed loudly. Odysseus shook his head. “Ajax, you fucking idiot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, don’t call me an idiot—you’re the one who should be making her furniture or some shit. She <em> is </em>pretty hot.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus put his hand on Ajax’s face to shove him away as everyone went on laughing. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope drank more of her wine. Listening to the men banter, she suddenly realized how hungry she was. She hadn’t really eaten anything earlier, and probably all the wine she’d drunk didn’t help. As Odysseus was pulled deeper into conversation with the men, Penelope decided that a journey to the kitchens for a snack sounded like a great idea. Catching Odysseus’ eyes, she smiled before moving to slip away. Odysseus looked like he wanted to say something to her, but it was too late. Penelope traipsed away, figuring this would be a good test of just how much he wanted to find her.</p><p> </p><p>Ten minutes or so later, Penelope was leaning against one of the counters in the kitchens, eating bread and cheese, when Odysseus rounded the doorway, wine cup in hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah. There you are.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope swallowed her mouthful, suppressing a grin. “How’d you find me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Old-fashioned investigative work.” He shrugged, walking towards her with that confident stride of his. He was really such a bastard. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure you were very subtle.” She popped a grape in her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“I noticed you didn’t eat much at dinner.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were watching me?” </p><p> </p><p>“Always.” He stopped in front of her, just this side of too close once again, putting his cup down on the counter behind her. </p><p> </p><p>“So.” She struggled to keep a straight face. “Are you gonna make me some furniture?” </p><p> </p><p>He cracked a smile. “Of course, if you want.” He leaned forward, bracing his hands against the counter on either side of her, boxing her in. </p><p> </p><p>Brazen, she raised her face towards his, looking him directly in the eye. The wine <em> definitely </em> helped. “What will you make me?” </p><p> </p><p>“Hmmm.” He hummed, eyes darting down to her lips and back to her eyes. “What about a bed? We’ll need a marriage bed.” </p><p> </p><p>Penelope licked her lips and Odysseus’ eyes darkened. “A bed works.” </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Odysseus was placing his hands on her waist and lifting her up. She gasped, and he sat her down on the counter in front of him, coming to stand between her knees. </p><p> </p><p>“I saw you watching me too,” he said, face inches from hers. </p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you saw what you wanted to see.” Penelope braced her hands behind her on the counter. </p><p> </p><p>The corner of Odysseus’ mouth twitched. He was gazing at her with full eyes. “I’ve wanted to do this all night…” </p><p> </p><p>He brought a hand to her cheek, leaning forward to kiss her—</p><p> </p><p>“Wait!”</p><p> </p><p>He stopped. “What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m… not done eating.” She smiled apologetically. She wanted him to kiss her—she wanted <em> much </em> more than that. But she felt nervous, even if it was mainly in an anticipatory way. She wanted a few moments to get her bearings. And she really <em> did </em> want to finish eating her cheese. </p><p> </p><p>He laughed, pulling back. “Okay.” He stole some of her bread, ripping off a chunk with his teeth as he assessed her with a bemused expression.</p><p> </p><p>She chewed thoughtfully. He was still standing between her knees, and she was glad for the slight contact.</p><p> </p><p>“What about your mother?” Penelope asked suddenly.</p><p> </p><p>Taking a swig of his wine, Odysseus looked at her over the rim of his cup. “What about her?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you told me about your father before, but you didn’t say anything about your mother.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fond of my mother. She’s a clever woman.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope supposed that was good, that he liked his mother. She nodded, taking another sip of her wine.  </p><p> </p><p>“You know,” Penelope started, aware that she had to be careful to enunciate her words now, “my mother is a naiad.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus grinned at her, seemingly very amused. “Is that so? I didn’t know that.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s why she’s never really around… You know how naiads are.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus nodded sagely. “I suppose it’s unlikely I’ll ever meet her then. But you could meet my mother. She’s not a naiad, so she’s not so flighty—well, Hermes is her grandfather, but I guess that's enough degrees of separation for her to be pretty reliable.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope laughed. “I think I’d like that.” She took the last bite of her bread and cheese, drinking in Odysseus’ patient face as she chewed and swallowed. Slowly and deliberately, she brought her hands up to his chest, resting them gently there. She played with the fabric of his tunic, avoiding direct eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus looked down at her hands. “Done eating now?”</p><p> </p><p>She bit her lip, nodding. </p><p> </p><p>He put his hands on her hips, moving in to kiss her. Their lips brushed and she giggled. </p><p> </p><p>“Shhh,” he whispered against her mouth. He slanted his lips against hers and—</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ah</em>!” someone cried. They sprung apart. Penelope looked past Odysseus to see Castor in the doorway, eyes wide at the sight of them. </p><p> </p><p>“My, my, my. Penelope, I am <em> shocked</em>!” he exclaimed, clearly delighted. He covered his eyes with his hand exaggeratedly, grabbing a couple of wine jugs off the counter. “Don’t mind me, don’t mind me, just stocking up on provisions—carry on!” And with that he skipped out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope sighed. “We should go back to the party.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright,” Odysseus said. He pinched her chin and kissed her once, firm. Breaking the kiss, he helped her hop down off the counter, steadying her. She felt weak in the knees. </p><p> </p><p>“We’ll continue this later,” he promised. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>An hour or so later, Odysseus and Penelope were sitting outside, drinking and talking, the party still raging around them. Castor was doing a handstand, Polydeuces funneling wine into his mouth as bystanders cheered. Achilles was balancing a shortsword’s hilt on his nose, simultaneously throwing darts at apples that Patroclus was launching into the air. Iphthime was sitting on Big Ajax’s back as he did pushups, Diomedes shouting out the number with each lift. It was madness. </p><p> </p><p>But Odysseus was just listening to Penelope, who was explaining Sparta’s military strengths and weaknesses with a shockingly knowledgeable enthusiasm. </p><p> </p><p>“I mean, of course the footsoldiers are the pride and joy, and the ground forces are unmatchable. But I feel like the lack of a solid fleet presence is a fault that’s way too overlooked? Like, regardless of how inland we are, naval stratagem is key. The other kingdoms are bound to notice this if they haven’t already.” Penelope shook her head and shrugged, taking another swig of her wine. </p><p> </p><p>“How do you know all this?” Odysseus was captivated.</p><p> </p><p>“I pay attention. Men say tons of important stuff around us girls that they don’t think we’re listening to or will understand.” She paused. “I guess I shouldn’t be telling you all of this… Different kingdom and all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, there’s the oath now.” He raised his cup.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks to somebody.” </p><p> </p><p>“Mm, yes, whoever came up with that idea was <em> very </em> clever. And probably very handsome and strong, too.” </p><p> </p><p>Penelope smiled, rolling her eyes fondly. He couldn’t help but continue to gaze at her, enthralled. </p><p> </p><p>“What is it?” she asked with a small laugh.</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head. “I’m just impressed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I really just listen, it’s not that impressive—”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think you realize, Penelope… Plenty of men who are raised to understand this shit have no clue what they’re talking about. I mean—” he looked around them, gesturing at the crowd of debauched, drunken princes and kings “—these people are idiots.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope laughed. “They’re not exactly at their best right now.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’d say this is pretty representative of their overall character. Little Ajax is over there playing the stab-between-the-fingers game with a spear—Achilles just accidentally set his foot on fire! These men are supposed to run kingdoms, Penelope.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope laughed even harder at that, harder than he’d ever seen her laugh. She was laughing so hard that she was covering her face with her hands like she was trying to control herself. From this angle, he could see down the neck of her peplos, giving him a really choice view of her cleavage. He was reminded of that first day they played dice, and he once again indulged himself by staring openly at the lovely sight while she laughed, oblivious.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope was really <em> very </em> attractive. And she was nice and smart and funny? Like, Odysseus had basically known all that, but now he was feeling kind of overwhelmed by it, which was not a familiar feeling for him <em> at all</em>. He wanted to kiss her and he really wanted to fuck her, but he also wanted to listen to her and talk to her and shit on other people with her.</p><p> </p><p>Did he love her? Was that what this was? <em> Shit</em>. That hadn’t been part of the plan.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope looked up, and Odysseus realized he’d been so distracted that he hadn’t guarded his expression in time. <em> Double shit</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, her laughter turning nervous.</p><p> </p><p>“I like looking at you,” Odysseus said honestly. <em> Triple shit</em>. He was just too tipsy and enthralled not to throw caution to the wind. “I think you’re beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>She blushed. “Well, there’s another compliment you’ve said out loud.”</p><p> </p><p>“If I said every compliment about you that popped into my head it would just be embarrassing,” Odysseus admitted. Penelope’s blush deepened.  </p><p> </p><p>“What, um…” Penelope trailed off, sounding shy.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Odysseus prompted. </p><p> </p><p>“What, ah, are some of the things you think about me?” she asked, avoiding his eyes. “You said before that some of it would shock me.” She pressed her lips together. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus hesitated. Penelope asking the question was enough to turn him on, but he had to tread carefully. He didn’t want to horrify her by regaling her with, say, his recurring fantasy of bending her over the closest available object, pulling her hair and fucking her until she screamed. Nor did he think the image of pushing her mouth down onto his cock was something he should share when she had been so clearly nervous over just a kiss. Ideally, such scenarios would be appealing to her as time went on, once they were married… And <em> that </em>thought was enough to make him half hard. </p><p> </p><p>He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. Evidently his face revealed something of the direction his thoughts had gone, as Penelope was looking mildly alarmed. </p><p> </p><p>“I think about being able to touch you freely,” he said carefully. “I think about making you feel good.” </p><p> </p><p>She waited, meeting his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“I think about making you moan.”</p><p> </p><p>She visibly gulped. </p><p> </p><p>Now Odysseus waited, trying to gauge her reaction. Penelope looked around them and then stood. For a brief, horrifying moment, he thought she was going to walk away from him, but instead she came around the table and sat next to him on the bench. </p><p> </p><p>No one was paying attention to them as she reached out and traced the long, rugged scar that stretched from his calf to his thigh. She didn’t go any higher than his knee, but it still took all the willpower he had not to grab her and have his way with her then. This was the first time she’d ever really initiated physical contact, and he had to suppress a shiver. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been meaning to ask you how you got this scar,” she murmured, ghosts of her fingertips lingering on his knee.</p><p> </p><p>“Boar hunt,” he said on an exhale. He grabbed her hand, rubbing circles on the inside of her wrist with his thumb. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope winced sympathetically. “That must have been painful.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to take a walk with me?” Odysseus suggested in response.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope bit her lip, looking uncertain. If she said yes then this would be the first time she’d ever knowingly gone somewhere alone with Odysseus. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I do,” she said finally.</p><p> </p><p>They walked together to one of the smaller courtyards, far from the festivities. Penelope knew the palace like the back of her hand, and Odysseus suspected that she had led them somewhere that was also far from her family’s quarters. The area was dark and quiet, the only light coming from the bright moon and distant torchlights. The night air was hot but not too thick or heavy, and Odysseus felt almost buoyant in the atmosphere, full of wine and anticipation.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope came to a stop beside him, lifting her face to the night sky. “It smells like rain.” She inhaled deeply and smiled.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus brought his hand up to her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb and dipping his fingers into her hair. “Penelope.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m really gonna kiss you now.”</p><p> </p><p>She licked her lips. “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like, <em> really </em>kiss you,” he said. “I’m gonna kiss the shit out of you.” </p><p> </p><p>She was mid-giggle when he crushed his lips against hers, tilting her head back with his hand. He hadn’t been kidding, even if he had been trying to amuse her with his choice of words: he slid his tongue into her mouth, not holding back at all like he had before, and he ran his free hand down her body. He pushed her backwards until her back hit the courtyard wall, pinning her there as he kissed and groped her. She gasped into his mouth and he felt his dick twitch. </p><p> </p><p>They were in the shadows, totally concealed, and Odysseus was confident he could touch her without fear of anyone stumbling upon them. He dragged one hand down her side, coming to squeeze her ass, and fondled her breasts with the other. Running his finger over a nipple, he felt it pebble through the fabric. She whimpered and he groaned. </p><p> </p><p>“Odysseus,” she moaned. She was running her hands through his hair, drawing her fingernails across his scalp and then down his neck and to his back. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” he muttered, kissing her neck. “This is what I think about.”</p><p> </p><p>She moaned again.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, just like that.” He licked at her collarbone, working her nipple between his fingers. “That’s what I wanted to hear.” Penelope keened.</p><p> </p><p>This really was the reaction he’d been wanting from her. He was totally hard now, erection rubbing against her belly through their clothing, and he pressed forward harder in order to increase the friction.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait—” she started, tensing “—you know I’m not going to—<em>you know</em>. Right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, don’t worry, I know.” Odysseus pulled her lips back to his, giving her what he hoped was a reassuring kiss. “Don’t worry,” he whispered against her mouth again. “We can do other things.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope clutched his shoulders, body relaxing. She kissed him back with feeling.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus wedged his knee between Penelope’s legs, nudging them further apart. He pressed his thigh against her cunt, half-supporting her weight as he settled her center onto his leg so that she could grind down onto him.  </p><p> </p><p>He thought she might be more surprised, but Penelope moved intuitively, moaning at the sensation. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grasping his shoulders as she rutted against him, Odysseus setting the tempo with each press of his thigh. Her forehead was resting against his shoulder as she whimpered and moaned quietly. </p><p> </p><p>“Gods, I want you,” he rasped against her hair. <em> I’ve never wanted anyone this badly in my life</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I…” Penelope trailed off, uncertain, dragging one hand down his chest suggestively. </p><p> </p><p>He took her meaning—or, at least, he hoped he did. Taking her hand in his, he brought it to the outline of his cock. She grasped it through the cloth and he kept his hand over hers, guiding her motions as she stroked him. </p><p> </p><p>“Is that good?” she asked quietly, voice hitching as she ground against him. He caught her lips with his in answer, kissing her passionately. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope was grinding against him more and more vigorously, and Odysseus had to brace an arm against the wall to keep them steady while she moved. She moaned into his mouth and then suddenly her whole body shuddered, hand stilling on his cock. </p><p> </p><p>She slumped forward, head against his chest, breathing heavily. Odysseus hadn’t really expected her to come like that, and certainly not so quickly. So he was feeling a little surprised and a lot pleased when she huffed into his tunic.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.” She sounded abashed. “That was embarrassing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry for what,” he muttered, cupping her face in both his hands and kissing her roughly once more. “You don’t have to be modest with me when we’re like this.” </p><p> </p><p>She flushed. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she murmured, stroking a finger down his face. “I hope there’s more <em> like this</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“There will be,” Odysseus swore, feeling more determined than ever. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope was looking down at where her hand was on his still-hard dick, seeming as though she was about to resume her movements, when they suddenly heard voices from not far off. They each perked up, freezing as they listened carefully.</p><p> </p><p>“Iphthime,” Penelope whispered, recognizing one of the voices. “She’s probably looking for food, we’re not far from the kitchens.” She shook her head, irritated. </p><p> </p><p>“Should you go?” Odysseus asked quietly. It was the last thing he wanted, but he feared they’d come to that point of the night.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope looked at him, conflicted. “I should probably start rounding the girls up… But you—”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” Odysseus said, removing his leg from between hers and straightening up. He found he respected Penelope too much to try to persuade her to stay and jack him off in the open courtyard—something about that just seemed wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“But I want to—”</p><p> </p><p>“You will.” He grinned, trying to smooth down her hair and clothes where they’d mussed and rumpled them. “Trust me, Penelope. I have lots of plans for us in that regard.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope smiled back, an attractive blush at her cheeks. “Well… Think of me,” she said, eyeing his crotch. </p><p> </p><p>He gave a rough laugh. “Yeah, I can promise you I will.” </p><p> </p><p>It had started to drizzle when they went to part ways. Odysseus caught her hand and pulled her back into a final, ardent embrace, kissing her long and deep. Once they pulled apart, their fingers tangled together and lingered until they went in their separate directions.   </p><p> </p><p>After he took care of himself but before he passed out, Odysseus thought: sure, it’d be a huge blow to his ego if he didn’t win the race. But more than that, he’d be really upset if he couldn’t marry Penelope.                                                                                                   </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, a little godly intervention never hurt (except for when it hurts very, very much)</em> </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Athena always kept tabs on Odysseus. He was one of her favorite mortals to come along in centuries. He had important things ahead of him, and the more good choices he made now, the better. So naturally she’d been paying special attention to these recent developments.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope seemed like a prudent girl, and Athena loved prudence. She’d make a suitable wife for Odysseus: loyal but clever enough to keep him on his toes.</p><p> </p><p>But her father really <em> was </em> doing his best to throw a wrench into what should have been a simple situation. This race development was particularly annoying. Odysseus had a chance of winning on his own, assuredly, but Athena had heard from Hermes that Icarius had been a prize runner in his day, and, well. Athena didn’t like playing with odds.</p><p> </p><p>And Odysseus had been a very good boy lately, leaving offerings at her temple nearly every day. Sure, he was laying it on a little thick (he didn’t have to be <em> so </em> obvious), but she was fond of him, and she did approve of this match. Having a good partner was important. She didn’t even want to entertain a scenario where he <em> had </em>managed to win Helen. Athena shuddered at the thought. What a mess.</p><p> </p><p>So, with a little help from Hermes (he was Odysseus’ great-grandfather, after all, and the Olympian who was the swiftest of foot; and besides, they shared an office space), Athena may have rigged things just a little bit. Maybe! Who’s to say.       </p><p>                                                                                           </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, odysseus wins because that’s what heroes do (and maybe some divine intervention was involved)</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>What more is there to say? </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus won the race; not in a landslide, but decisively enough for everyone to wonder why they’d ever been worried.                                  </p><p> </p><p>Penelope stood at the sidelines with her family and the guests, clutching both Helen and Clytemnestra’s hands where they were hidden in the folds of their gowns. As she was wearing a veil that day, Penelope’s expression was difficult to read, but when Odysseus crossed the finish line, she squeezed her cousins’ hands.    </p><p> </p><p>Later that day, managing to catch each other alone in the hall for just a moment, Odysseus lifted Penelope’s dark veil and kissed her. But they were quick and discreet, and not even the servants caught them.        </p><p>                                                    </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, comedies end in marriage</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b>  </b>
</p><p>Their wedding was much like Helen and Clytemnestra’s had been<em>. </em> Well, maybe it was a little less extreme. People were still recovering from that shit show.</p><p> </p><p>It was agreed that the usual ceremonies would take place at Tyndareus’ palace, and afterwards Penelope would travel to her new home on Ithaca with Odysseus. Everything was to be provided by Tyndareus, the usual customs acknowledged, and most of the original group of suitors were still there and had decided to stay in attendance. Again, why turn down more free wine and food and an excuse to party?</p><p> </p><p>The first day was more emotional than Helen’s and Clytemnestra’s had been, though. It hadn’t really been a farewell with them; but with Penelope it was—she was leaving for another island, another kingdom, and they had no idea when or if they’d see each other again. Neither Clytemnestra or Helen were particularly emotional people, but they were clearly sad, and Penelope felt genuinely choked up. The rest of the family was emotional too, all the other siblings, cousins, parents, uncles, and aunts—but the three girls had been a unit since they were young, close in age, wit, and beauty. It was a genuine farewell.</p><p> </p><p>Icarius was resigned to the whole thing now, he had to be. He’d tried to convince Odysseus to stay and live in Sparta with them, like Agamemnon and Menelaus, but Odysseus wouldn’t hear it; he was eager to return to Ithaca. Icarius’ way of coping with this seemed to be to avoid Penelope as much as possible. But she couldn’t worry about that too much—she’d find a moment with him before leaving.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope didn’t really see Odysseus much at all before their wedding because of all the ceremonies and rituals. When she did finally see him on the second day, the day of the ceremony and bedding, she was almost giddy with excitement. She wasn’t sure how well he could see her face under the wedding veil, but he grinned when he saw her, and her heart clenched. </p><p> </p><p>The ceremony and feast and dancing went by in a blur, and soon enough it was Penelope’s very own bedding. No one even tried with the whole bedding procession for them, though—Icarius’ now-famed, terrifying demeanor where his daughter was concerned quickly shut that down. </p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra and Helen had been overjoyed to share their own sexual experiences with Penelope, giving her advice and insight, but on the whole assuring her that she should have a fun time. For whatever reason, Penelope chose not to confide in them about her experience with Odysseus the night of their weddings. Maybe it was because it was just hers, and she didn’t want to share it with anyone else.</p><p> </p><p>Once they were alone in their bedchamber, Odysseus removed Penelope’s veil slowly and deliberately, placing it on a table beside them. Ritually, this made them truly married. </p><p> </p><p>“There,” he said, bringing up a hand to stroke her cheek. “Now it’s official.”</p><p> </p><p>“Indeed it is.” She smiled. “I hope you’re happy.”</p><p> </p><p>He leaned in to kiss her in answer. It was soft and sweet, no urgency like that night of Helen and Clytemnestra’s weddings.</p><p> </p><p>After a few moments they broke the kiss, leaning their foreheads together, their breaths mingling. She was getting used to his smell, and she was rather fond of it. Some mixture of wine and sweat and sea air.</p><p> </p><p>“I have a confession to make,” Odysseus murmured, trailing his fingers up and down Penelope’s bare arms.</p><p> </p><p>She shivered. “Yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“This is the real reason I wanted to marry you.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“So that I could fuck you, Penelope. I just knew you wouldn’t give it up—”</p><p> </p><p>He started laughing as she cut him off with a light slap to the side of his head. Playfully covering his head with his hands, he groused, “You’re so violent, imagine what people would say if they knew.” </p><p> </p><p>Before she could think of a retort, he was pulling her back to him, fully wrapping her in his arms now. He was so <em> big </em> compared to her, she could melt.</p><p> </p><p>He kissed her deeply, and she sighed into it despite herself, bringing her hands up to grasp onto his shoulders. She was getting the hang of this kissing thing now, and she got a thrill not just from the sensation but from the thought that nothing truly decent could possibly involve <em>this</em> <em>much</em> tongue. Penelope liked lots of things about Odysseus, and more and more she was starting to realize that one of those things was how, sometimes, he made her feel… improper? It shouldn’t have pleased her, it didn’t make sense, but she found she relished those moments when they were alone, and they spoke or looked at each other or touched in a way that made her feel dirty. It was almost a relief.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus broke the kiss and brought his lips down to her neck. Penelope remembered the first time he’d kissed her, when she’d been so nervous and unsure, and he’d kissed her cheeks and neck and rested his head against her chest. But those had been soft, almost sweet kisses, and she came to <em> really </em> appreciate the difference now as Odysseus began to trail hot, openmouthed kisses down her neck.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope <em> moaned</em>—oh, it was mortifying, she’d never heard a sound like that escape her mouth, but she had also never felt anything like this. That night of Helen and Clytemnestra’s weddings she had at least tried to control how loud she was. Now, the embarrassment threatened to pull her out of the moment—but then Odysseus groaned, fisting one hand into her thick hair and dragging the other down her body to her ass, squeezing her there. He was being even rougher than he’d been before, and it almost hurt, but in a weirdly good way.  </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus pulled back and Penelope barely concealed a whine in response. He removed his hand from her hair, still half-up in its braids, and said, “Take it all down, I want to see it.” His eyes were dark, and Penelope wordlessly rose her arms to begin undoing her intricate hairstyle, letting the pins fall to the ground unceremoniously. As she worked through it, Odysseus went to work on her ivory peplos, undoing the belt around her waist and the silver fasteners at her shoulders, then pulling the cloth down her body until it fell to the ground, puddling around her feet.</p><p> </p><p>She managed to wrench the last pin out of her hair just as her robes hit the floor, and Odysseus put his hand back in her hair, helping her shake out the long, wavy locks. He smiled at her, an unusually soft smile from him. She was totally naked in front of him, and maybe she should have been nervous or embarrassed or at least a little more modest, but she was none of those things. She was happy and excited and the way he was looking at her made her feel powerful.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus pulled back slightly so he could assess her more fully. “You’re very beautiful, Penelope.” His tone was surprisingly earnest.</p><p> </p><p>She beamed at him. “So are you.”</p><p> </p><p>He gave a laugh. “You’re also very strange.”</p><p> </p><p>She laughed too, and then he was picking her up easily, gripping her ass as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He tilted his head back so he could kiss her as he walked them over to the bed, depositing her on the mattress only somewhat roughly. Penelope wiggled her body to the center of the bed, and Odysseus watched her as he stood there, undressing himself. In short order he was totally naked, and Penelope had to stop herself from dropping her jaw as she looked at his hard, naked form. He was totally erect—and sure, she had felt it the other night, but this, actually <em> seeing </em>it, was different. Eyes scanning her body, he took his cock in hand and stroked it, groaning, before crawling on top of her.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus easily moved her around as he desired. Grabbing her waist, he positioned her so that her head was laying back against the feather pillows. “So pretty,” he said as her hair fanned out around her, and then he was kissing her and touching her again and working her into even more of a frenzy. His hands were everywhere, his hard cock rubbing against her belly, and she was drawing her fingers across his sculpted chest and back and arms, and it was all just so much. She was breathing almost embarrassingly hard when he suddenly spoke again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve just gotta go somewhere really quickly, I'll be back,” he said, moving down her body. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope was confused. Why would he leave now, was something wrong? “Wha—”</p><p> </p><p>Before she could even get out a full word, though, Odysseus was positioned with his head between her thighs, his mouth coming down onto her cunt. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope gasped as Odysseus began licking and sucking at her there, placing his hands on the insides of her thighs to keep her legs spread. If her noises when he'd been kissing her before had been embarrassing, she didn't even want to <em> think </em>about how bad it must be now. As he went on, he added fingers to the mix, pushing one and then two inside her carefully, moving them in and out in rhythm with the movements of his tongue.</p><p> </p><p>The sensation was unfamiliar, the stretch a little uncomfortable at first, but quickly enough she was gasping and moaning and telling him not to stop, and he was murmuring against her, “Yeah, yeah, you like that, don't you,” and she was babbling, “Yes, yes, yes,” over and over again. </p><p> </p><p>Some distant part of her mind knew that he wasn't just trying to make her feel good, but that he was stretching her, trying to get her ready for him—and it was working. There was a familiar pressure building, one Penelope knew from private moments and that night with Odysseus’ knee between her legs. When Odysseus added a third finger, she was so wet and close to coming that it wasn't uncomfortable at all, just a pleasant fullness. All at once it was too much and she was crashing over the edge, moaning his name, one hand fisted in his hair, holding his head in place, the other covering her eyes. This orgasm was much stronger than the hurried one she’d experienced with him before. She was begging him not to stop, she could hear herself as if from afar, and she could swear that he was <em> smirking </em>against her as she came. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re bad, aren’t you?” Odysseus teased as Penelope caught her breath, shaking. She couldn't possibly flush any more than she already was, nor could she manage a proper response, so she just huffed and then hummed “<em>Mmmm</em>.” </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus worked his way back up her body, kissing her breasts and neck and mouth. She wrapped her arms around his broad back, loving the feeling of him on top of her. </p><p> </p><p>“We're not done yet,” he rasped into her ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Promise?” she whispered back, delighting in his look of surprise at her boldness. </p><p> </p><p>Then he was sitting up, putting his hands under her ass to pull her down the bed a little farther, kneeling between her thighs. Penelope wrapped her legs around Odysseus’ waist, the movement feeling natural, and he brought his fingers back to her cunt. Moving them deftly, she was reminded of working at her loom, and she smiled up at him. He smiled back, and something about that, it endeared her so much—she didn't know, but suddenly she was reaching towards his cock, grabbing it tentatively in one hand and giving it an experimental stroke, trying to mimic the motion he’d shown her the other night. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus made a sound deep in his throat. She felt shy but she plowed onward anyway, repeating the motion a few more times as he watched her with lidded eyes. She tried to strike a more confident rhythm and he nodded in response, reaching out to squeeze her tits, pinching her nipples and causing her to gasp.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope realized that Odysseus liked this—not just her touching his dick, obviously, but her inexperience, coupled with her curious enthusiasm. The look in his eyes whenever she made a noise of surprise before, or now when she seemed unsure in her movements, gave him away. He was clearly <em> very </em>turned on. She suspected the very typical male part of him liked that he was taking something no one else had had, but in large part it was clear that he enjoyed experiencing this with her, learning her body as she learned his and so much else besides. That made her feel bolder, and suddenly she remembered something she and the girls had talked about… And so she sat up, bringing her mouth down to the head of his cock and licking there with the flat of her tongue. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ah</em>.” Odysseus inhaled sharply. Penelope took genuine pleasure in the knowledge that she had surprised him with this move. She didn’t really know what she was doing, but his response was the most enthusiastic yet. Still gripping his shaft, she brought the tip inside her mouth, experimentally swirling her tongue around the head. She looked up at him to gauge his reaction and saw that he was looking at her with a strangled expression.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you’re a witch,” Odysseus managed, and Penelope would have laughed if his cock wasn’t in her mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus tangled his fingers in her hair, gently guiding her head up and down. She was grateful for the direction, and she began to take the thick length in and out of her mouth slowly, back and forth, trying to hollow her cheeks and suck.</p><p> </p><p>“Penelope, you’re going to kill me.” Odysseus groaned, head falling backwards momentarily, face turned towards the ceiling. “Your father will be overjoyed.” Penelope wrinkled her nose at the mention of her father. </p><p> </p><p>He laughed and guided her mouth off of him with careful tugs at her hair. “That’s enough of that for now,” he said, kissing her soundly before pushing her shoulder so that she fell onto her back again. He hoisted one of Penelope’s legs up and over his shoulder, kissing the inside of her knee as it settled there. Penelope was <em> really </em> starting to understand what Helen had meant when she’d told Clytemnestra that she liked Menelaus because he looked like he could “really throw her around.”</p><p> </p><p>Grabbing her hip to hold her in place, Odysseus positioned himself at her entrance. She practically gulped in anticipation, trying not to tense. The girls had told her tensing up didn't help. </p><p> </p><p>His eyes met hers as he began to push inside of her. She'd never seen him look so serious. She wanted to touch his face, but she couldn't reach it in their position. </p><p> </p><p>There was a slight shock of pain and Penelope cried out a bit, but then he was pushing through it and she was gasping breathily until finally he was all the way in. He stilled, giving her time to adjust. She brought her hand to her mouth, biting the fleshy part of her palm. He watched her with sharp eyes, rubbing circles on her hip with his thumb. </p><p> </p><p>He brought his other hand to her cunt, stroking her gently there, and—<em> oh. </em>Giving some shallow, experimental thrusts at her reaction, she moaned outright, and he grinned. She nodded to encourage him further. He started to pull out more fully, thrusting carefully but deeply. Quickly the pain was gone, almost without her even realizing, and she was moaning and gasping, telling him to keep going. Her reactions were really getting out of hand, she thought distantly, but Odysseus seemed to like it.  </p><p> </p><p>“Ah,” he breathed, smiling at her in a way that simultaneously turned her on even more and made her heart clench. “I knew you’d be fun.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope didn't know what to say to that, but she flushed at the praise. He liked her encouragement, so she swallowed any remaining modesty, saying, “I’ve never felt anything like this. It feels so good…”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” His eyes were dark with lust. “Let's make it feel even better.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus placed his hand underneath the knee of the leg that was slung over his shoulder, gripping it firmly. Pushing her leg forward, he shifted the angle of their bodies somewhat—and in doing so, he started really fucking her. Going hard and fast, Penelope clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from being too loud, crying out with each thrust. Odysseus was more vocal now too, groaning as he fucked her, eyes flicking back and forth between her face and her breasts. </p><p> </p><p>“Gods,” he was grunting, “fuck, you feel so good.” Penelope loved watching him lose control like this, his usual composure totally gone. She loved looking at his face and arms and chest while he fucked her, watching the muscles in his abdomen ripple and tense as he moved. She wanted to touch those muscles, so she did, reaching out and running her hands up and down his chest, dragging her nails lightly. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus brought his hand to her face in response, running a calloused thumb over her bottom lip. She touched his thumb with the tip of her tongue, and he dipped it between her teeth. She bit gently. He groaned. </p><p> </p><p>As overwhelmingly good as this faster, rougher rhythm he had struck felt, Penelope wanted him closer, wanted to feel him totally against her. So she tugged at his arms, trying to tell him that way. He got the message, swinging her leg off his shoulder and coming down to lay on top of her, supporting his weight on his forearms. </p><p> </p><p>She immediately caught his mouth in a kiss, and he slid his tongue against hers. He pinned her arms above her head, holding her wrists down. She moaned into his mouth as his hips snapped against hers, hitting a spot deep inside of her that made her want to scream. </p><p> </p><p>He went even harder and faster then, his thrusts becoming more erratic. He was groaning and whispering filthy praise into her ear, telling her how wet and good she felt, how close he was, and Penelope wanted to see him fall over the edge. She wanted to feel it. He clearly liked her responses, he had told her not to be modest with him, so she totally let herself go, moaning and saying, “Yes, yes, please,” over and over.</p><p> </p><p>That was all he needed, and he thrust one, two, three more times, burying his cock inside her and coming with her name on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus slumped on top of her. Penelope didn't want him to pull out yet, so she wrapped her legs around his waist. She sighed happily, relishing the feeling of his weight on her. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” he mumbled into her neck, breathing heavily. “You're welcome.” </p><p> </p><p>She laughed outright at that, tightening her arms around him. He chuckled and kissed her hair. His back was slick with sweat and his beard was scratchy against her skin and she just loved it—she loved <em> him</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you, I think,” he said against her hair, almost disbelieving. “So weird. That definitely didn't factor into my plan.” He exhaled a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>Penelope’s heart felt like it was going to explode. Had he read her mind? “I think that too,” she said softly. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, actually, I know, I don't think. I know that I love you,” Odysseus replied. “So, I win.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope smiled. “Of course you win. You always win. My husband.” </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus pulled back to look at her. His eyes were thoughtful, and Penelope could see the quick mind working behind them. Was he unsure of how she felt? Was he waiting for her to say it back? That didn’t seem like him.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you, too,” she said, just in case, reaching up to stroke his cheek. “Isn’t it obvious?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing’s obvious with you, Penelope. You’re slicker than me.” But he was smiling a happy, genuine smile. He pecked her on the lips and rolled onto his back, pulling her to his side. She rested her head on his chest with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t fall asleep just yet.” He tickled her waist. “I’ve got more plans for the rest of this night.”</p><p> </p><p>She laughed against his chest. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” And she settled in for a night full of Odysseus’ plans.</p><p>                                                                                                    </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, it’s the day after</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b>  </b>
</p><p>When her father saw her the morning after, he looked like he might either burst into tears or beat Odysseus to a pulp—or both. Did she look different? Did she seem different somehow? She wanted to go to him and promise that nothing had changed, she was still his daughter, but Odysseus suggested some distance might be a good idea. She conceded that he was probably right.  </p><p> </p><p>“I have never met a man who cares so much about his daughter,” Odysseus told her. “It’s almost scary.”</p><p> </p><p>She gave him a look. “I’m sure you’ll care just as much about your daughter someday, if you ever have one.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Our </em>daughter,” he reminded her. “Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of. We should stick to boys.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll just order one up for you, shall I?”</p><p> </p><p>“Diomedes did tell me you could weave anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see what I can do,” she quipped.</p><p> </p><p>As the third day was mainly filled with gift giving and even more ceremonies, Penelope spent most of her time sitting next to Odysseus, chatting like this. At one point, her family members were supposed to present her with gifts symbolizing her transition into womanhood. </p><p> </p><p>Helen gave her jewelry, some of her own pieces that Penelope had always liked best and occasionally borrowed. Penelope was genuinely touched, embracing her cousin.</p><p> </p><p>Helen hugged her back tightly. Mouth next to Penelope’s ear, she whispered, “How was the sex?”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope tried to keep a straight face. “I understand what you meant now about Menelaus being able to throw you around,” she whispered back.</p><p> </p><p>Even though she couldn’t see her face, Penelope knew Helen was smiling. “<em>Right</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra was up next for a ceremonial gift. She offered Penelope yards of expensive, emerald green silk for weaving. “Green’s always been your best color,” she said matter-of-factly, also encasing Penelope in a tight hug.</p><p> </p><p>And then she immediately started whispering about sex.</p><p> </p><p>“Is he good with his hands? He seems like he’d be good with his hands.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, my gods, you guys <em> know </em>I’m not leaving until tomorrow, right? There’ll be time to talk about this stuff tonight—”</p><p> </p><p>“Just answer the question before we’ve been hugging for too long!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, he’s good with his hands,” Penelope relented. She bit back a grin. “And his tongue.”</p><p> </p><p>Clytemnestra had to pull back then, but she fixed Penelope with a wide-eyed look of shock and delight that perfectly well communicated what she was thinking: <em> We </em> <em>will</em> <em> be discussing this more later </em>.                                        </p><p> </p><p>Penelope did have the chance to gossip more with her cousins later, and she was glad for the time with them. But in all honesty, she was most excited to get back into bed with her husband.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m kind of sore,” she admitted as he held himself over her, kissing her breasts leisurely.</p><p> </p><p>“Mm, that makes sense after last night. My apologies,” he said, licking a nipple.</p><p> </p><p>She gasped but managed to say, “Especially after… Well, remember when you had me get on my knees—”</p><p> </p><p>“I remember very well.”</p><p> </p><p>“—and then you took me from behind, yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I was there.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was quite an end to the night.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm.” He grinned up at her. “That was your favorite, wasn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Perhaps,” she said coyly.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’ll be very gentle and careful tonight,” he murmured against her skin, trailing his kisses down to her navel. “This may be a good opportunity to practice your oral skills.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, public speaking?” she quipped.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I think you’ve got that down pat. I’m considering putting you in charge of Ithaca’s armed forces. Tonight I was thinking more technique with the tongue.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, I see. And you’re willing to submit to this experimentation?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll admit you’re a natural, but practice makes perfect and I’m willing to sacrifice a few—oh, I don’t know—hours of my life in order to get you to that level of perfection I know you’re striving towards.”</p><p> </p><p>“How noble of you.” She brushed a curling lock of black hair behind his ear as he worked himself even lower down her body. </p><p> </p><p>“Indeed,” he agreed, settling between her thighs, mouth hovering over her cunt. “But ladies first.”                 </p><p>                          </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>and so, old homes are left for new ones</em> </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Driving in Odysseus’ carriage away from the home she had known all her life, Penelope resisted the urge to look behind her. Which explained why Odysseus noticed the chariot fast approaching behind them before she did.</p><p> </p><p>He let out a sigh. “Your father really is relentless.” He let go of her hand as he turned fully in his seat, squinting at the approaching figures.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Penelope turned too, seeing that her father was behind them. “Oh, no.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus had the carriage brought to a stop as they waited for Icarius to pull up beside them.</p><p> </p><p>“Father—” Penelope started.</p><p> </p><p>“Penelope,” he interjected. “I know it’s probably no use, but I had to try one last time. I know I’ll never see you again if you leave—I just know it. Odysseus, my offer still stands for you to live here, in Sparta, with us.”</p><p> </p><p>Odysseus shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I’ve already made myself clear.” His tone was polite yet firm. “My place is on Ithaca. And I’d like for Penelope to join me there, as queen.”</p><p> </p><p>Icarius sighed, turning to his daughter. “Penelope… You can still stay. You don’t have to leave all of us. You don’t have to leave your family.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope was at a loss. “I can’t just stay now—”</p><p> </p><p>“Penelope,” Odysseus interrupted. She could tell he was exasperated, but when his eyes settled on her they were soft. “It’s up to you. But you have to decide now. Right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Icarius seemed surprised by Odysseus’ words, too. He turned back to Penelope, waiting expectantly. </p><p> </p><p>Penelope searched Odysseus’ face, but he was composed, unreadable. She looked to her father, feeling almost overwhelmed by the feeble hope she saw in his face. She didn’t really want to leave her family. But she’d never met anyone like Odysseus. She’d never met anyone so like herself, anyone who seemed so interested in her. She felt like he understood her.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted <em> him </em> to be her family. Odysseus already talked in that way, telling her about his parents and teasing about future children. She couldn’t just stay after all of that…</p><p> </p><p>“Father…” Penelope reached out to take his hand and he grasped hers firmly in return. She could sense Odysseus’ eyes on her, and she felt him shift in his seat when she grabbed her father’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>She looked down at her lap. Slowly, she brought her other hand up, above her head, drawing her veil down and over her face, until she was fully concealed.</p><p> </p><p>The men understood perfectly well what this meant. Odysseus cleared his throat and Icarius lowered his head. </p><p> </p><p>Her father held her hand for a second longer, squeezing it once and then letting go. “You’ve always been a good girl, Penelope.” </p><p> </p><p>After a few more moments, the carriage began moving again, and Penelope glanced behind her to see her father’s chariot retreating back to the palace. </p><p> </p><p>Odysseus reached out to take her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. Moving closer to her, he lifted her veil. He looked at her for a moment before kissing her softly. She kissed him back, and he wrapped an arm around her.</p><p> </p><p>She leaned her head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope you’re not sad,” he murmured. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine. I just wish everyone could be happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“But are <em> you </em>happy? I don’t care about other people.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I’m happy.” She smiled to prove it.</p><p> </p><p>“Good. I also have a dog. Did I tell you that? He’s young and not well-trained, but he’s very cute and loyal.” </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Mmm</em>. Tell me more nice things.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, we'll arrive at the ship not long from now, and be on our way to Ithaca. And I don’t know if you’ve ever had sex on a ship—” </p><p> </p><p>“Obviously not.”</p><p> </p><p>“—but it can be very fun. All the rocking.” He nodded knowingly. “Let’s hope you don't get seasick.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fingers crossed.”</p><p> </p><p>“And when we get to Ithaca I’ll show you my bow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that a euphemism?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes and no. You’re already acquainted with one of them—” he winked “—but I do have another bow, in a stricter sense. One with real arrows, not metaphorical ones.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you want to show me that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because it’s very difficult to string and shoot and it’s quite impressive.” He sniffed. “And seeing me do it will undoubtedly make you even more attracted to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I see, I see. Anything else?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, your father is probably erecting a statue to modesty in your honor as we speak. So you can rest assured the poets and singers will remember you.”</p><p> </p><p>“That does put my mind at ease.” </p><p> </p><p>“It should. You have no idea how much time some of us spend worrying about that. You’ve got it all under wraps before the age of twenty.”</p><p> </p><p>She laughed. “I’ll remember to count my blessings.” </p><p> </p><p>“And I will build you that bed we talked about,” he added, voice softer now. He looked down at her. “Really. I like the idea of a bed that’s just for us.” He brushed his thumb across the back of her hand and she hummed happily. </p><p> </p><p>“Now,” Odysseus said, turning fully towards her. “Let’s talk more about that ship sex I mentioned. It’s very important to me so I want to make sure you’re fully prepared.”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope settled in, feeling genuinely cheered. She listened to her husband as he went about entertaining her. She felt content in the knowledge that she was heading to what would be her new, simple life with Odysseus. She was excited to see his home, to meet his family, to come to know the people and place that had formed this man. </p><p> </p><p>Later that night, Penelope was in and out of sleep as the ship to Ithaca rocked gently on the waves. She had discovered that yes, ship sex was fun, and no, she did not get seasick. All positive outcomes. The movement of the ship comforted her in just the way Odysseus had described to her at length. She found herself dozing off even though she wasn’t especially tired. </p><p> </p><p>“Penelope.” Odysseus’ lips were at her ear, his naked body pressed against hers in their cool bed. He chuckled at her sleepiness. “You really are just like me.” He nuzzled her neck with his nose.</p><p> </p><p>She hummed. “That’s why we get along.”</p><p> </p><p>Even in her half-lucid state, Penelope could tell Odysseus was watching her in the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve surprised me so much,” he murmured. </p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Penelope yawned. “You’re exactly what I expected… What I hoped for.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>Penelope exhaled dreamily. “You’re so silly sometimes… Wasn’t it obvious I wanted you? I always wanted you, always, even before you noticed me. I knew exactly what I was getting.” She rolled onto her side, tangling a leg between his and resting her head on his chest. “Now <em> shhh </em>. You have the rest of our lives to interrogate me. Sleep with me now.”</p><p> </p><p>He was silent for a while. Eventually he chuckled softly, stroking her hair with his hand. “You wouldn’t prefer a battalion of suitors, like Helen?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re more than enough work. All those men… Exhausting.” <em> I want a simple life with you</em>, she thought again, drifting off.</p><p> </p><p>He pecked the top of her head. “I’m sure nothing ahead of us could be any more dramatic or absurd than the events of the past month.” </p><p> </p><p>And with that, they floated home to Ithaca, buoyed by the sea and lulled into deep, heavy slumbers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>When I was an undergraduate I took a class on classical mythology (surprising no one) and my classics professor was a hardcore Odysseus/Penelope stan. He talked a lot about how the <i>Odyssey</i> identifies Odysseus and Penelope as "homophrōn" which roughly translates to "like-minded" and is a really important term in Homer. He said that one of the consequences of this is that, in Homer's world, where Odysseus is understood as the smartest man alive, Penelope is therefore the smartest woman alive, and I think about that every goddamn day. (Odysseus also tells Nausicaa that she should find a husband who she is homophrōn with ANYWAY Odysseus loves his wife!)</p><p>The broad strokes of the plot are all taken directly from myth, as are various smaller details. I just picked the versions I liked best, combined when I felt like it, and invented where there are gaps. However, according to my research Achilles was not one of Helen's suitors, but apparently Patroclus was. So for my purposes Achilles is part of the suitor competition too (but mainly as, like, a nice getaway vacation with his boyfriend Patroclus). Other than that, most details are from myth, including things like Laertes having heard about Penelope, Icarius trying to stop them from leaving one last time, and other off-handed comments (lots of references to <i>Iliad</i> and <i>Odyssey</i> too, obviously). </p><p>This fic is partly inspired by the song "Cupid" by The Big Moon (from which the title and chapter titles are taken). I also may or may not have made a whole Spotify playlist for Odysseus/Penelope while writing this because I was egged on by @elizajumel.</p><p>Please leave comments if you read, feedback is lovely! Especially as I'm currently writing a dissertation sob sob</p>
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